Espada Vacation
by Amaterasu Ai
Summary: Aizen has decided to take his dear Espada on a vacation! He plans on taking them on a cruise to the Bahamas! Lovely, isn't it? Oh, but almost nothing can be lovely when we deal with the Espada. The Bahamas will NEVER be the same again. Rated ES for Espada Style
1. Getting Ready

Espada Vacation

Written by G. Ai Inoue

Summary: Aizen has decided to take his _dear_ Espada on a vacation! He plans on taking them on a cruise to the Bahamas! Lovely, isn't it? Oh, but almost nothing can be lovely when we deal with the Espada. The Bahamas will NEVER be the same again.

AN: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS! Except the story line and my OCs… This is based on my own vacation by the way.

_~Chapter One: Getting Ready ~_

Ulquiorra's POV

I opened the door of my room to find the Tercera, Tia Harribel, standing out in the hallway. Her arms were crossed as usual, but she seemed rather perturbed. No one ever really comes to my room so I presume that Aizen-sama has ordered a meeting. Again. I may be loyal to the man, but he orders an almost insane number of meetings in a week. I do believe the record is about…one-hundred forty-seven. Each meeting is an hour to five hours long. We were all on the brink of insanity that week.

Tia and I walked down the hall along with the Primera and Segunda. Starrk looked tired as usual and Barragan was mumbling something about revenge. Most likely about getting revenge on Nnoitra for the food fight he started last week.

"Why didn't Aizen-sama just call us to a meeting himself like usual?" I asked the blonde Tercera. She glanced over for a second.

"Aizen-sama didn't call us. Gin did. He skipped into Starrk's room while I was there and said "Aizen-taicho wants ta see ya all. Gather the others up!" explained Tia. Wow, I never knew she could impersonate Gin's voice so well.

I nodded before turning to look forward. There was one thing I'm questioning about Aizen-sama right now. Why did he choose Gin out of all people to be his second in command? Even Kaname would be a better second in command. Hell, I would settle for Grimmjow. He doesn't watch every Arrancar's every movement on camera.

"SHIT!" I heard Tia yell out the curse as she fell to the ground with a thump. I looked forward (since she was walking ahead of us all) to see a metal bar in the air, right about where the Tercera's head would be. Harribel herself was getting up while holding her head, some blood staining her sleeve.

"HAHAHAHA! I GOT YOU GOOD BITCH!" came the eerily annoying voice of Nnoitra Jiruga.

"What the hell are you doing, Jiruga?" asked the Primera, holding back an amused smile. The Quinta himself stepped out of the shadows. It turns out that the bar was his Santa Teresa.

"My arm was getting TIRED! Nice timing, Harribel!" he laughed his psychotic laugh. "And Starrk, I was teaching you all a lesson."

"How?" we all asked. The spoon-like Quinta laughed.

"That ya shouldn't walk around with yer eyes closed!" He laughed again, but was cut off with a mighty kick in between his legs, courtesy of Tia Harribel.

"Try that again and you'll lose what makes you a man." Starrk didn't even try to hold back his laugh. This earned him a glare from the green eyed female.

"Relax, Halibel, geez, no one can take a joke around here! Ulquiorra just DIED when he saw what I did in his room! Remember, Ulqui-" I cleared my throat rather loudly.

"We should head to the meeting room. Aizen-sama is waiting." The others agreed with me as we headed toward the other Espada Quarters.

~SCENE CHANGE~

Tia whacked the Quinta in the stomach to wake him up.

"I swear I didn't do it! Grimmjow did!" yelled the spoon. He looked around in embarrassment as it dawned him that he was in a meeting.

"Ya, I can't believe it either Nnoit," said Gin from his place behind Aizen-sama.

He sighed, "I shall repeat once more because I am just that kind, Nnoitra." He nodded in understanding. "I decided that you've all been quite well behaved to I am taking you all on a cruise with me to the Bahamas."

We let the information sink in once again.

"Nice try, Aizen…-sama but you're not gonna fuckin' trick me that easily," said the Sexta as he stood up.

"I'm quite serious, Grimmjow. You will all pack and we will be leaving tonight. And please watch your language, Sexta," said Aizen-sama as he turned back to the rest of us. "Dismissed, my dear Espada."

~SCENE CHANGE! WOO! ~

"We're going to the Bahamas! I don't fuckin' believe it! This is fuckin' AWESOME!" yelled Grimmjow. He had two over stuffed suit cases that his fraccion were trying to drag behind him. Aizen-sama had said that we were splitting into two groups. Primera-Cuarto plus the Octava, and the rest were in the other group. Gin and Kaname were assigned to be with the others.

"I can't wait till we get there! Did you SEE the picture of that ship? IT HAS A WATER SLIDE! I am SOOO racing you down the steep one!" shouted Lilynette as she dragged Starrk down the hall. We were all heading towards the Throne Room.

Barragan had a huge suit case that his fraccion were struggling to push while Tia just pulled hers down the hall easily. I had one also, but my fraccion was carrying it for me.

When we got to the Throne Room, I saw Szayel Aporro there in a blue Hawaiian shirt and red swim trunks. Nnoitra was there also, but he was wearing those things called a speedo.

"What the hell are you two wearing?" asked Grimmjow with a laugh.

"It's a vacation, Grimmjow! I'm surprised ya came in your uniform!" said Nnoitra.

"Hey, at least I'm not the freak that is already wearing their human clothes when we didn't even leave yet!" argued Grimmjow.

"Actually, I'm wearing my trunks under my hakama. And Lilynette is wearing her swimsuit," said Starrk with a yawn. Now that he mentioned it, Lilynette was just wearing her jacket over her swimsuit.

"Our gigai's will all be wearing what we are once we get into them. I'm wearing my swimsuit under my uniform," said Tia. "And Barragan is hearing a Hawaiian shirt as you can see."

Grimmjow looked around in astonishment. Even Aaroniero, Zommari, and Yammy were all dressed for the summer we were about to go through.

"Che, looks like it's just me and Ulquiorra," he said as he dragged his suit cases over.

"Trash, I'm wearing one also," I said as I unzipped my jacket to reveal the green Hawaiian shirt.

"Shit, I'm the only one!" Aizen-sama stepped into the room at that moment.

"Please watch your language, Grimmjow. Now come, my children, we are staying at a hotel for one day before heading to the ship."

We all nodded before stepping through the Garganta that opened.

This will be the most interesting 'summer' we will ever have…

_~END CHAPTER~_

_So…not that funny yet, but it will once they get to the hotel. Please review! Ideas and suggestions will be great too^^_

_Till next chapter!_

_~Ai-chan_


	2. The Crappy Ride

Espada Vacation

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach! If I did, I don't really think I'd be writing here… Oh, and Bleach belongs to the almighty Tite Kubo!

Szayel Aporro's POV Chapter Two: Getting to Florida

When we arrived at our destination, I ALMOST had the urge to slap Aizen-sama. We were in KARAKURA TOWN, JAPAN! We're supposed to be in FLORIDA! I had to teach English to the Espada for nothing! We are GOING to Florida weather Aizen-sama plans it or not!

"Why are we in Karakura?" asked Grimmjow. He was sitting in a tree with Ulquiorra's fraccion, Mai Cifer. She wasn't his sister, but with her sky blue hair and turquoise eyes, she could pass as Grimmjow's sister. A rumor is going around that they're dating each other.

"We are flying from here to New York! From there, we will drive to Florida! After that, we stay in a hotel for a day before driving to where to ship is!" said Aizen-sama. We all gave him a crazy look.

"Why the shit are we here? Can't we just open a Garganta and get to this Florida place before the cruise?" asked Nnoitra as he tied his hair into a ponytail.

For once, the spoon used his brain!

"Yes, but I want you and your brothers and sisters to experience more! You don't know much about the modern day world!"

"Because we don't NEED to!" complained Grimmjow as he jumped down from the tree. Mai jumped down also, Grimmjow catching her before setting her down.

"Yeah! I mean, by the time we get there, Starrk will be outta his vacation mood!" yelled Lilynette as she whacked the said Primera who was sleeping on a bench.

Aizen-sama just shrugged before leading us to Karakura International Airport.

~WHEN I SAY SCENE, YOU SAY CHANGE! SCENE!~

I dealt with MANY hard things in my life. Like the time some idiot ate Harribel's golden necklace and she killed him (on accident she says). I had to dissect his body to find it! Another hard time was when Ulquiorra tried to kill me. (He said because I was trash, but that means for no reason)

Instead of getting a first class seat (like the lucky bastards Tousen, Ulquiorra, and Aizen-sama) I had to sit in coach with Grimmjow, Mai, Gin and Nnotira! Do you know how LONG it takes to get from Japan to America?

Well…I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's between 12 hours to a whole day! And guess what LOVELY surprise was given to me? There was a stupid little kid kicking on the back of my seat! I pushed up my glasses and turned around.

"Look kid, stop kicking my seat! And I'm not in a good mood today so I won't hesitate to tear off your arm!" MAJOR BIGGEST STUPIDEST TRASHIEST MOST IDIOTIC DUMB BRAINED STUPID BASTARD SHITTY DESCION IN MY LIFE!

That kid was Lilynette Ginigerback, Primera Espada! She may not be very strong, but Starrk is protective of her and he sure won't hesitate to kill me if I try to kill her!

"Shut up, pinky! And stop staring at me like that! You're a pedophile aren't ya?" she shouted in my face. Lilynette flicked me in the face before sitting back down and buckling her seat belt. "STARRK! PINKY-SPADA IS A PEDO!"

"WHAT?"

Oh shit…

Starrk got up and grabbed me by the collar. "Don't even THINK about touching Lilynette you sick bastard." And then he punched me in the face. I must have woken him up from a nappy-nap.

"HOLY HELL THAT HURTS!" I screeched…like a girl…

"Will you shut up, pinky? Starrk's trying to sleep!" yelled Lilynette as she stuck out her tongue again. THAT BRAT IS SO ANNOYING!

"Hey, Pinky, stop your girl chat and help me with something!" said Nnoitra as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me down. "I dunno how to work this shit!" He pointed at the seat belt.

"Really? LILYNETTE can use one with no help at all! And YOU the 'great Nnoitra Jiruga, Quinta Espada'!" I said as I unbuckled my own belt before redoing it to show the stupid spoon. He grinned at himself when he got it himself, Gin and Grimmjow laughed to themselves at the stupidity.

~SCENE~CHANGE~

"YOU BLINKED YOU BASTARD!" yelled Nnoitra as he jabbed his finger at Ichimaru.

"NUH-UH! Yer cheatin'! Yer only half-blinkin!" argued Gin as he grinned a bit more. Which I don't see how… I wonder if his face ever hurts from doing that so much…

Sighing, I looked to see what Grimmjow and Mai were doing.

"But I swear, it was an accident!" he said as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right! You were moving too much to be asleep! Now stop trying to 'accidentally roll into my lap' when you're 'asleep'!" yelled Mai as she turned over to face Harribel who was sitting across the aisle. I guess that rumor about those two going out aren't true…

"Hey, Szayel, you're smart, right?" he asked. I pushed up my glasses slightly before pulling out a book from my carry on bag.

This was what sucked about sitting in the middle. Nnoitra and Gin, than me, than Grimmjow and Mai. I had to deal with their constant arguing ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Why can't I sit with Harribel? She's intelligent and doesn't act like a dumb ass!

I nodded. I could just sense Grimmjow's grin. He elbowed me a bit. "Can ya help with somethin' than?" he asked. I shrugged, waiting for Grimmjow to tell me what he wanted me to help him with.

Well, I knew Grimmjow was smart, not the smartest (because that was me) but still pretty smart. Apparently, he didn't realize what a shrug meant. I figured this out when he tore the book from my hands.

"Well, are ya?" he asked. Glaring at him, he threw my book back.

"Depends. What am I supposed to help you with?" The light blue haired Sexta grinned in his creepy way. I have him a questioning look as he jerked his thumb, pointing behind him. I looked over his shoulder to see Harribel talking to Mai about something involving how men could be idiots.

"You want me to…help you with something involving Harribel? Grimmjow, I'm sure you are well aware of this, but she is three ranks higher than you and five ranks higher than I. She'll kill us. Take Nnoitra for example, he has trouble going 'number one'. Heck, he may not be able to have children." I laughed to myself at the possibility. Jiruga couldn't parent to save his life and rank. He would make a HORRIBLE parent. Even worse than Ilforte back when we were Arrancar children.

"No, no, no! I thought you were smart!" he said as he ran a hand through his hair. Some of his bangs fell over his face again. "I was pointing at Mai. I want you to help me convince her to go on a date with me." I laughed a bit at this. If you ever see them together for more than half an hour (like my brother Ilforte) you could tell they weren't exactly the most romantic couple.

"Yo, bro, Grimmjow, what up?" asked Ilforte as he stood over us from his seat behind us. Lilynette kicked my chair.

"You apparently," said the Sexta.

"Whaddya two talkin' about?"

"Nothing."

"How're you bro? I never see you."

"Good."

"Indeed."

"Well, I'm gonna take a cat nap now, night night," said Grimmjow after our staring contest. (Ilforte lost!) I pulled out my book and started reading it again. It would have been EASY, except that Ilforte's hair was still in my face.

"…Ilforte…"

"Yeah, bro?"

"Go away."

"I feel unloved."

"You are."

"You boost my confidence, dear brother," said Ilforte sarcastically as he grabbed the book from my hands. "Reading something in Latin, I see." He said. I just nodded.

Ilforte backed away a bit with my book. So I decided to do the next best thing. Draw out the blue prints for a new part of my lab! It was going to be magnificent!

"YA SAW 'IM CHEAT, DIDN'T YA PINKY?" yelled Ichimaru as he jabbed a bony finger at me.

"ARG! I CAN'T READ, I CAN'T WORK ON BLUE PRINTS, I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP DAMMIT! WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP?"

"There are CHILDREN on this plane, sir!" said Ilforte as he stood up, pulling Lilynette up in her seat as well.

"He said a naughty word!" she said with a look as if she were frightened.

"Sir, you have to be quiet," said some attendant as they walked by. I glared at the two behind me once she left. They just smiled back. Well, Lilynette, did, but Ilforte suddenly stood up and laughed until it hurt so much that he fell into his seat!

"Bro, this ain't Latin! That's only the title, it's Spanish!" it surprised me because only the Espada and a very small number of Arrancar know Spanish. I never expected Ilforte to be one of them…

"So?" he tried to stop laughing, but only laughed so hard he cried and was rosy cheeked.

"That..hahha! Is…a Spanish…BWAHAHA~!" he laughed again. When he calmed down (even though he was still holding back laughs) he stood up, wiping his tears away. "A Spanish ROMANCE novel! What the hell are you readin' bro?" he laughed AGAIN.

"What? I did not know that!"

"Bro, you were on like chapter 20 or something! I'm on page five!" laughed Ilforte as he dropped the book.

Dear Kami-sama I'll just sleep off this headache and (hopefully) wake up to find that we crashed and Ilforte was dead. Along with every other idiot there was on this plane.

~S IS FOR~~~SZAYEL! BUT ALSO FOR SCENE CHANGE~

"Wake up, bro." _What…? Why was Harribel calling me bro? And why did she sound like Ilforte? My dreams are quite screwed up these days…_

Suddenly, someone's hand pushed my head until it connected with something HARD.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK, HARRIBEL?" I screamed at the said female. In reply, she sent a glare at me for ruining her sleep. Huh…so she only hit me in my DREAM, which was really someone in REALITY, bashing my head against the chair in front me…

I heard laughter. Annoying laughter. Laughter that I wish I didn't hear. I also saw blonde hair in my face. When I looked up, I (sadly) saw none other then Ilforte Grantz. My brother (sadly).

"Let me rephrase that," I said as I turned around in my seat after taking off my seatbelt. "Just come closer because my voice is kind of sore." Ilforte did as requested.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK, ILFORTE?" I screamed in his ear before slapping him across the face. I could tell it was loud by the TWACK that echoed.

Ilforte's head was still turned, his hair covering his face so I couldn't see what his reaction was. But I hoped it hurt! I hope I left a permanent red mark on his face! I hope that mark will sting VERY badly.

I hope it hurts so much that he cries and those tears make tear marks on his face so that he resembles Ulquiorra. I hope I killed his face so that random lower Arrancar stop flirting with him. I hope I killed his dignity so much that he begs me to forgive him.

His shoulders were shaking, so that probably meant he was crying. Good, because he really did deserve it.

But when Ilforte turned to face me, he had tears down his cheeks, except they were from laughing so hard. There was a very faint pink mark on is cheek that was fading from the slap.

I gave him a slight look of amazement.

"What? Expecting me to say 'ow'? Bro, you slap like a GIRL!"

"Hey! Would you like me to slap you?" asked Mai from her seat. Ilforte shrugged with his stupid playful smile on his stupid ugly face that he only stupidly smiles when he's stupidly flirting. He's just a big doo-doo head sometimes. (Yeah, I know, I'm mature)

"Okay, give it a shot, don't hold back. I could tell my little bro wasn't holding back!" Before he could say another word, Mai was up and slapped him across the face, a light twack sounded. Psh, my slap was louder.

"Ow…damn, you slap harder then Szayel…" She sat down, probably unsure if it was a compliment or an insult. "Wow, a girl can hit better then you, bro! No offence, Mai." She just waved it off before getting comfortable and trying to fall asleep.

"DAMN YOU!" I yelled. Mai turned around and glared. "Not you… At Ilforte…damn Ilforte…"

~S~

"I swear if you kick me one more tim-mmph!" That brat Gingerback kicked me in the face!

"You don't tell me what to do!" yelled the blonde haired and pink eyed brat as she aimed another kick. I ducked down. "You're not supposed to dodge!"

"Yes, I AM!"

"I'm telling Aizen-sama!"

"Oh, how mature."

~A bit later~

Aizen-sama said I was being more troublesome then Grimmjow… HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE?

So now…I was moved to first class…(Yay!) but I wasn't allowed any of it's luxury (Dammit!). I was sitting between Tousen (who had the aisle seat) and Ulquiorra (who sat next to Aizen-sama, who called the window apparently.

"I cannot believe this. Ilforte took my book! And I was just getting to the part where Maria was about to leave Carlos for Diego!" I complained out loud. Ulquiorra looked over at me.

"Diego dies out of his 'love' for Maria. Carlos tries to get back together with her, but she refuses. That is where the book ends until the sequel comes out," said Ulquiorra in his emo monotone.

"DAMMIT ULQUIORRA YOU RUINED IT FOR ME!" He shrugged. "And how the heck do you know all of that?"

"Aizen-sama started a 'Reading Buddies' between the top four Espada. It was Tia's turn to choose the book," he replied. ARG! That lucky bastard! I'M smart enough to be in the Reading Buddies!

I leaned back in my chair, grumbling about how life is not fair. Some kicked my freakin' chair. And it isn't Lilynette. Being as calm as I can (which is quite hard, my hair is already messed up from the anger), I turned around to see a little British-American boy.

"Mommy! There's a pedophile staring at me!" WHAT? How do I look like a pedophile?

"I didn't do anything! What are you even talking about, kid?" I asked him with a glare. My glasses slid down a bit because of the turbulence and I didn't bother pushing them back up yet.

"Yes he did! Look at the weird pedo-y way his glasses are slid down! See? He should be arrested! He's like Michael Jackson!" said the little boy.

"Shut up! I am NOT like him! Sure, I deserve some fame, but I am not like him! AND I AM NOT A PEDO!"

"Sir, we are going to have to handcuff you and keep you away from the others so you do not bother anyone else," said some 'Air Police'.

This vacation hasn't even started and it already SUCKS!

_END CHAPTER!_

_Yeah…I know; the vacation didn't even start yet…_

_Next chapter will be the hotel they stay at._

_Either Ulquiorra's or Tia's or Grimmjow's POV is next…_

_Well, please review…_


	3. The Annoyingly Trashy Ride

Espada Vacation

Chapter Three

~U~

Now we are on our way to Florida. (We are in New York currently.) Stupidly, Aizen-sama has decided to fly there while having the Espada go on two vans. Sadly, I am stuck with Starrk, Lilynette, Barragan, Tia, Nnoitra, and Grimmjow. Barragan sat in front, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, and I sat in the middle, and Tia, Starrk, and Lilynette sat in back. Oh, our driver was Gin. Tousen had to sit in the trunk (which has bean bags in it).

"Man, I'm BORED!" complained the trashy Sexta as he leaned against the window.

"You know what we do when we're bored and want to bother Ulquiorra?" asked the Quinta with a grin. Oh my…they are going to do IT… No, not THAT 'it' you trashy perverts.

"Hmm?"

Nnoitra took a breath and started to sing, "9,999 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 9,999 BOTTLES OF BEER! YOU TAKE ONE DOWN, AND PASS IT AROUND! NOW WE HAVE 9,998 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 9,998 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 9,998 BOTTLES OF BEER!"

Grimmjow grinned and sat up, singing along annoyingly. "YOU TAKE ONE DOWN, AND PASS IT AROUND! NOW WE HAVE 9,997 BOTTLES OF BEER!"

"9,997 bottles o bear on de wall! 9,997 bottles o beer!" Gin started singing along while at the wheel. I sighed with annoyance.

"YOU THREE, SHUT IT." Tia coughed, "I mean, please shut up. Sing something more appropriate, a child is in your presence." They looked around.

"Where?" they asked simultaneously.

"MEE!" Lilynette shouted as she bounced in her seat.

"Fine. Now where were we?" asked Grimmjow.

"Ya take on down, an' pass it around! Now we got 9,996 packets o juice on de wall!" sang Gin. They all grinned and started singing. Since I am quite used to the behavior, I tuned them out. "9,996 PACKETS O JUICE ON DE WALL! 9,996 PACKETS O JUICE! YA TAKE ONE DOWN AN' PASS IT AROUND! NOW WE GOT 9,995 PACKETS O JUICE ON DE WALL!"

This will be a VERY long ride…

~U~

"Urusai…BA-KA!" shouted Lilynette as she jumped up and hit Grimmjow over the head.

"HEY! Watch it, BRAT!"

"STARR-!"

"HEY! You can…sing a solo! YEAH! _RIGHT_, Nnoitra?" he asked, glancing over at the said spoon.

"Huh? No wa-!" Grimmjow poked him in the eye. "YEAH! Fine, go Lilynette!"

"YAY~! What number are you at?"

"Um…we're down ta 'bout 9,542 now…" said Gin as he took a turn on the road. "WOAH! Wrong way! Geez! America's so dif'ferent from Japan!" What an idiot…

"9,542 packets of juice on the wall! 9,542 packets of juice! You take one down, and give it to me! Now we have 9,541packets of juice on the wall!" screeched Lilynette as she started waving her arms around.

I tuned them out as I looked ahead. WHY, WHY did I have to be with THEM? Aizen-sama should have taken me with him on the plane.

"WAHHH! WATCH OUT LIL BIRDY!" screamed Gin from the front. Were we actually driving fast enough to almost kill a bird…? Probably…

"**GIN!"** Tia jumped up from the back seat and sailed over us, slapping Gin across the face and turning the wheel, resulting in us all jerking to the side, Nnoitra and Grimmjow nearly crushing me.

It seems Gin almost drove us off a cliff… We saw flashing lights and a few sirens. A police officer walked up to the rolled down window.

"Excuse me, sir, have you been drinking?" she asked as she reached for a pad of paper.

"Nah, I dun't drink when I'm drivin'. Though, this IS mah first time drivin' so many people…" said Gin with his usual grin. "We're goin' ta Florida! Too bad ya can't join us, it woulda been fun!"

The officer raised an eyebrow. "Sir, if you are hitting on me, it's a bad idea, seeing that you and your girlfriend are…busy while you were driving…"

"Eh…? OH! No, no, no, no! Tia ain't my girlfriend, she's my subordinate!" said Gin. The officer laughed. "Yes, that's nice." She said with a wink. "She was tryin' ta save our butts! C'mon! Tia, weren't ya tryin' ta save our butts?"

"Yes, I was trying to save their butts," said Tia.

"…Um…" said the officer.

"He was about to drive us over a cliff, you see…" The officer nodded.

"Oh…please step out of the vehicle…both of you…" she looked in and noticed all of us. "All of you please."

~U~

"Follow the light with your eyes, without turning your head." Starrk did as asked, but he got a bit…what's the term…googly eyes…

"Sorry, I was just taking a nap…" He smiled a bit.

"Okay…walk in a straight line for me," said the officer. Starrk walked in a wobbly line. "…Never mind you weren't even driving…"

Gin stepped up. "Do I gotta take de tests?" The woman nodded and told him to walk in a straight line. He did so with his arms spread out and saying 'Weee!'

"Um…you shouldn't be driving…anyone else here knows how to drive?"

"I can't, my legs would fail me," said Barragan.

"I would, but I'm not allowed to," said Lilynette.

"I would, but I would kill us all, didn't exactly learn to drive yet…" said Grimmjow. Nnoitra couldn't drive, Tia doesn't have a license, Starrk couldn't, Gin wasn't allowed, so-

"Looks like you have to. How old are you?" asked the woman as she turned to me. I thought for a second. Szayel Aporro and Aizen-sama had showed us how old we were in living years.

"Um…between eighteen and twenty-two," I said. Gin laughed and Tia tried to hide a smile.

"…Got an exact number? Never mind that…Um…can you drive?" I nodded. It didn't look quite hard and I didn't want to look pathetic. "Alight, you drive, and Florida is that way, down south, not to the west," she said as she walked off.

Great, we were going the wrong way the whole time.

"U-urgh…are we there yet?" asked Kaname from the trunk. He was very car sick. It seems he got himself tangled in some duct tape…

"Are you keeping someone hostage?" she asked as she put a hand over her gun.

This is just _wonderful…_

~U~

"Let's see, ya put yer put there, that's de brake, that's de gas, got it?" I nodded. "That tells ya if ya got gas-"

"What does F and E stand for?" I questioned.

"Full an' Empty."

"Oh…okay, I can drive now Gin," I said as I pushed down on the gas.

"WOAH! Dun't kill us, Ulqui-orra!" yelled Gin. "Dun't step on it wit' all yer might!"

…I need to learn how to drive…all Aizen-sama told me was 'it's easy'…

~U~

"Gin…" he was about to fall asleep.

"Eh? What?"

"…Nothing…"

"Ohhh…haha, yer afraid o drivin' while ev'ryone's asleep! Yer afraid that if somethin' goes wrong, yer gonna need my help!"

"No…"

"Dun't deny it~!"

"No."

"DUN'T!"

"What?"

"CAAT!"

"What are you talking about? Grimmjow's right ther-!"

"NO! CAT YER 'BOUT TA RUN OVER!"

"…OH CRA-!"

_END CHAPTER_

Sorry if it's so short^^

Next chapter will focus on the other group's car. From Szayel's POV.

So…yeah…please review?

~A


	4. The Annoyingly Trashy Drive

Espada Vacation

Chapter 4

~S~

It seems that since there are two vans, we are taking different routes to see who can reach Florida first. I'm quite sure the higher ranking Espada are going to beat us. And if I thought it through right, Gin probably almost killed everyone, forcing Harribel to try and save them, resulting in them almost getting arrested, and ending with Ulquiorrra driving even though he isn't sure how.

I doubt that happened, but boy would it be funny!

So in our van, Yammy was voted to sit in the trunk (where the beanbags are, also known as the back back), Aaroniero and Zommari sat in the middle, Mai Cifer got the back seats to herself, and I sat in front with Ilforte driving.

"Bro, am I the ONLY one who knows how to drive?" asked Ilforte as he continued to drive down the road. I nodded as I unfolded the map. I knew how to drive, I just didn't want to.

"Turn left in about 15 miles. There should be a shortcut through some woods," I directed as Ilforte sped up. "Don't go over the speed limit, BAKA! WE COULD GET ARRESTED!"

"Chill, bro, there's no one around."

"I will not CHILL! You drive too recklessly!" I yelled at him as he continued to speed up, bit by bit. "WATCH OUT!"

"For what, bro?"

"That soul!" I yelled. He was about to run over a little girl!

"…That's not our side of the road…" he pointed out casually. "And it's a Shinigami, bro, not some random soul that I could just run over."

"…SHINIGAMI! KILL IT!" screamed Yammy from the back back. We all ignored him.

"Yammy, shut up, it's bad enough that I'm stuck in a car full of boys," mumbled Mai as she lay down in the back.

"No, we're MEN! Hard core MEN! That do MANLY things and saved damsels in distresses!" cried Yammy. Zommari turned around and sent a mini cero at him.

I sighed, "Ilforte, turn." He did as asked. Soon, we were on a roughly bumpy dirt road. It was silent for a while.

Very silent…too silent…

"…Woah, oh, oh, oh…woah, oh, oh oh…I kinda feel like it don't make sense…" Yammy started singing Love Like Woe.

…The silence is much preferred…Yammy can't sing to save his life…

I was going to tell Yammy to shut up, but I decided to do something better. That's right, I'm going to sleep so I don't have to deal with him. But everyone ELSE will have to suffer! Muhahaha!

Ilforte gave me a weird look. "Bro, whatever you're plotting, you fail at making others suffer."

~S~

_Mmm…ooh…strawberries…mmm…yummy…_

A sharp pang of pain was felt as someone's fist connected with my face. There went my dream…It was weird, just like the one I had on the plane. 

"OW YOU BAS-!" Another punch connected to the face. Thank God I wasn't wearing my glasses.

"You can drive now, bro. I wanna get some shut eye," said Ilforte as he climbed over the front and into the back. Damn idiot who somehow knew I could drive…

"Ilforte!" I yelled at him. "You are NOT going to make me drive! AND I WAS JUST SLEEPING YOU IDIOT!"

"Well, so was I. That's why I woke up and am making you drive."

Wait…he was sleeping at the wheel…? Maybe I should drive…

Sighing, I climbed into the driver's seat. "Vroom, vroom, bro, vroom, vroom!" smirked Ilforte as he climbed into the back seats with Mai. He made that sound…wrong…

"SHUT UP!" Ilforte may be my 'nii-san' but he's dumber than a blonde should be.

"Zaeru! Can I sit in shotgun~?" whined Yammy as he started to climb over everyone. Various ouches and owiees were heard. He finally landed and buckled in.

"And the elephant actually can fit in a car," I muttered as I drove down the road.

~S~

Looking at the clock, it read 2:36 AM. I was quite tired, but no one was awake. I THOUGHT no one was awake, but I was wrong, since I heard a yawn and suddenly found blonde hair whipping in my face as Ilforte groggily climbed into shotgun. (I made Yammy get into the back back again when we stopped for a bathroom break)

He yawned again, "Mornin' bro, aren't you tired?" he asked with a sleepy smile. I nodded.

"Of course I'm tired. Now get your trashy ass over here and drive for a few hours." He smiled again, but didn't move.

"Bro, you know that cartoon, Pinky and the Brain?" Dear Kami, just DRIVE.

"Hai…" He's just trying to create a distraction.

"And since you have pink hair…what does that make me?" At first, I was going to say that he should know, but-

"YOU BASTARD!" I was about to deform his face when I realized I was driving. He grinned.

"Nah, nah, nah, boo, boo…you can't get me," he half whispered mockingly as he leaned back in his seat. "To Florida, my dear driver!"

"Grrr…" I just thought of something… "Hey, is Mai awake?" Ilforte gave me a suspicious look.

"Yeah, why?" I shrugged innocently.

"No reason." Quick as I could, I sonido'd back and yanked Mai Cifer up from her seat and shoved her into the driver's seat. "DRIVE!" I tackled Ilforte down and began to kill his face.

"WHAT THE HELL, BRO?" he fought back, and dang, I didn't even realize he could've been stronger then me!

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHO THE BRAIN IS!" I screamed at him as I pulled out one of the little tubes of chemicals that I had with me. A look of fear spread over his face.

"NOOOO!" yelled Ilforte.

"I'M NOT SURE HOW TO DRI~IVE!" yelled Mai as she sped down the road. "Oh, wait never mind, I was just out of it," she said sheepishly as she slowed down. I rolled my eyes. She's such a stupid girl.

Ilforte took that chance to punch and kick me. "OOF!"

"DON'T YOU DARE DYE MY HAIR PINK… AGAIN!" Ilforte screamed as he grabbed me by my collar and threw me back into the backseats.

"OOF!" I blew the hair out of my face. At least I don't have to drive now.

"GAAHH! ILFORTE! YOU DRIVE!" yelled Mai from the front. I heard some crashing sounds in the front before the car jerked really hard. More screaming was heard. "BAKA! YOU PUT IT IN REVERSE!" More crashing, screaming, and cursing. There was a loud screech before we started moving forward again.

"Dammit, Mai, if we put a dent in this, Aizen-sama's gonna make us pay! This IS a rental car after all!"

…I'm kinda afraid that I'm going to die…

_END CHAPTER_

Sorry for the shortness-ish again^^

Anyways…next chapter, they meet up at the hotel/pick up Aizen from the airport!

SO….yeah…review if you have the time…thank you!

~Amaterasu


	5. Nigglywat

Espada Vacation

Disclaimer: GUESS WHAT~? I don't own.

Chapter 5: Niggly-Wat

~U~

We are now at the airport, waiting to pick up Aizen-sama. I was playing chess with Barragan, but he's winning, so I don't want to play anymore.

"WHEN IS AIZEN-SAMA GOING TO BE HERE? WHAT IF HE DIED? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN? I DON'T WANT ICHIMARU TO BE OUR LEADER!" cried Zommari as he rushed around the parking lot.

"Quiet down," mumbled Mai, who was mostly asleep. Szayel suddenly gasped. Everyone turned to stare at him.

"YOU FREAKS!" he screamed. We all glared at him, ready to kill. "HOW COULD THEY END THE BOOK RIGHT WHEN MARIA IS IN DANGER?" We turned around and ignored him.

Suddenly, we see Aizen-sama run from the airport, luggage in hand. He jumped into our van and yelled at us. "HURRY! RUN! RUN! I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE DONE SOMETHING ILLEGAL!" We all rushed into the vans and sped off (way over the speed limit for parking lots).

~U~

Settling in at the hotel was rather awkward… Aizen-sama felt cheap, so he decided that everyone share two rooms…except for himself, who got his own room…but he said I could share with him…

So now, I am sitting on the chair, reading the sequel to the book that Szayel Aporro is reading. It's called _En Mi Corazón_. I find it surprisingly stupid, but Aizen-sama wants us to have it finished for the next meeting.

"Meh…" I heard a faint squeak-like sound. Looking over to Aizen-sama, who was curled up on the couch, his back was toward me.

"…" I said before turning back to the book.

"…Owiee…" He muttered again. I tried to think of what one might say in a situation like this…and came up empty minded.

"So…" Aizen-sama turned around with a face that one might say looked hopeful. "…Did you like that book Tia picked out?" He made another face…I think it was confusion…either that or disappointment…

"…The book was called _El Corazón_, remember?" He sighed as he sat up, wincing a bit.

"Ulquiorra, my son." I looked up again. "I request your help since Daddy has reached an age where he starts having pains." I stared at him.

"Um…please do not call yourself Daddy…it's disturbing…"

"Oh…okay…than…Father has reached an age where he starts having pains." I didn't say anything. He winced again as he curled up in a ball.

"…Um…are you…okay?" I asked rather awkwardly.

"Meep…"

"…Okay…" I started turning back to the book.

"Ep…" I was forced to look up AGAIN.

"Aizen-sama…?" He turned around, making a fake sad-painful face.

"My…nigglywat…HURTS!" he whimpered as he slowly scooted toward my chair. "Come sit with me as I am in pain, my son!" I did as he asked. When I sat down, he rolled over to his head was next to my leg. "Read to me, my son."

"Okay…" I sat there awkwardly. "Donde-?" He covered the page with his hand.

"Read in our language, to show your intelligence, Ulquiorra." Again, I sat awkwardly.

"…Where in my heart will I find your love? Nowhere, Maria, you do not love me, do you, mi amor?" I read as Aizen-sama sighed something about how poetic it was. "I do not love your Carlos…I still mourn over Diego…" Maria fell to her knees on the cold stone ground of the church as she wept into her hands. "Leave me be so I may mourn over my love, Carlos!" she cried out as he kneeled down beside her. "Maria…"

Aizen-sama sighed again, but stopped and winced painfully. "Oof…my nigglywat…" He looked up at me. "Do something to ease my pain, Ulquiorra."

"…Feel better…" I said.

"My nigglywat is in much pain…" He said as he wriggled around on the couch.

"Excuse me that I…do not know, but…what is a nigglywat…?" He looked up.

"Why do you not know that?" he asked with fake pain.

"…because my knowledge is not as great as yours?"

"Eep…" He stood up slowly and pointed downward. "Nigglywat…"

~SCENE CHANGE~U~

Everyone was sitting in our room. Staring at Aizen-sama rolling around in pain.

"…Dude, what did you DO to him?" asked Grimmjow as he poked Aizen-sama with his foot. I was about to answer when he said- "Cuz you should do it every DAY!"

"I didn't do anything trash! He was whining about how his nigglywat hurts!" I said as Nnoitra stepped up.

"Aww, Aizen-sama got a boo-boo? Want me to kissy-wissy it to make it better~?" he mocked as he laughed along with Grimmjow.

Szayel Aporro wasn't helping much…he was sitting and staring in envy at my book. "How's the book, Ulquiorra?"

"Fine."

"May I read it after you…?" he asked hopefully.

"No," I stated plainly.

Back to Aizen-sama.

"My nigglywat HURTS." Grimmjow and Nnoitra glanced at each other.

"Dude, what's your nigglywat?" asked Nnoitra as he grinned mockingly. Aizen-sama pointed downwards again.

"SICK! That's frickin' GROSS, bro!" yelled Ilforte from his seat on my chair. "But the sequel is pretty good. Who knew it would help on how to get the ladies?" he said with a smirk at Szayel Aporro as he waved my book at him.

"STOP MOCKING ME!" he screamed at his brother as he lunged toward the book.

AGAIN…back to Aizen-sama.

"Ew…I'm not kissin' that, EVER," said Grimmjow in disgust as he glanced over his shoulder at Mai, who was sitting quietly on my bed. (I called the one closer to the door so I could escape if needed.) "But I'm willing to kiss that piece of fine-~"

"Don't even think about it."

~U~ 

After HOURS and HOURS of sitting there and trying to find a cure for Aizen-sama's pain in his nigglywat, Tia Harribel came over and grabbed Aizen-sama by the collar.

"WHAT THE HELL IS A NIGGLYWAT?"

He glared slightly before rolling out of her grasp. "My biggy toe, what did you THINK it was?"

Grimmjow and Nnoitra flushed in embarrassment. "N-nothing…"

"Don't deny, Grimmjow, you were thinkin' naughty thoughts~!" said Gin as he smirked at them.

"Why you-!"

"MY NIGGLYWAT _STILL_ HURTS!" cried Aizen-sama.

_END CHAPTER_

_Next chapter, they go through an anti-bullying-program…in the pool…THEN the vacation will start!...after the drive…_

_I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKING SO LONG TO ACTUALLY HAVE A VACATION! I'm just trying to add some Espada style situations in it…_

_Please review if you have the time/have the desire to (which you know you do so I know you're still there :D)_

_~Amaterasu Ai_


	6. Getting Along in the Pool

Espada Vacation

Chapter 6: Getting Along in the Pool

AN: Hope you enjoy reading, Merry Christmas!

~S~

"I do not want to be here." Oh, but of course, I never get things my way, even though I am THE perfect being. Aizen-sama had said that we, as "brothers and sister", need to get along better. So he had asked Tousen-san to lead a quick "Friendship Program"…at the pool.

"I do not want to be here either, but Aizen-sama said we have to," said Ulquiorra as he pulled out a bottle of sun block. "Besides, hopefully Tousen will be able to teach the trash a lesson." When he said trash, he was referring to Grimmjow and Nnoitra.

Speaking of those two, they were both in the pool at the moment. They were having a war, splashing violently at each other in the deep end.

"You'll never catch me while I'm on my noble killer whale!" declared Grimmjow loudly as he used his feet to paddle the blow up plastic whale floating device around. He steered himself toward Nnoitra, probably going to run him over.

"While you're on your whale, maybe, but you don't stand a chance off of it!" With that said, Jiruga flipped the whale over, causing Grimmjow to tumble off into the water with a splash.

He flopped himself onto the whale in an awkward half on, half off position before adjusting himself.

"Imbeciles." I muttered to myself as Tia walked over to the table near the deep end. She tugged off cover and threw it with the rest of her stuff.

I flushed a bit before Tia jumped into the pool, causing a huge splash. It also scared Nnoitra off his whale.

Halibel immerged seconds later, her hair a wet mess, and gracefully jumped onto the whale.

"This is mine, bitches."

It was quite surprising to hear her say that, seeing as she isn't the type of person to say that. But the looks on the Quinta and Sexta's face was priceless as she rode away in all her triumphed glory on the plastic floating killer whale.

Turning back to Ulquiorra, he seemed to be watching the trio plus the killer whale also.

"Why don't we go for a swim, Ulquiorra?" I asked, since it was only polite to. Before he could answer, Lilynette let out her signature "WOO-HOO!" before jumping into the pool in a cannonball.

"Yeah~!" She landed on the plastic floating water bed thing and used it as a ship to steer her way around the pool.

Starrk smiled sleepily before stepping/plunging himself into the water. I was surprised that he would go in the water, but he climbed onto the other water bed that was blue. Starrk pulled on some sunglasses before closing his eyes for a nap in the pool.

Suddenly, a wave of water washed over Ulquiorra and I. Well, I thought it hit Ulquiorra, but he decided to ditch me and was currently floating on Lilynette's pink water bed express.

When I took off my glasses and peeled off my waterlogged shirt, a squirt of freezing water hit my bare chest. Looking to the pool, I saw none other than Ilforte, holding a water gun.

"ILFORTE!"

"See ya, bro!" he chirped cheerfully before going under water. I scowled. Bastard.

There were some purple goggles lying on the table, so I pulled them on and jumped into the pool. Of course, I heard protests of interrupting someone's game of water bomb catch.

Underwater, I saw Tia swimming around and Mai jumping in. Where could he be? Question asked, question answered.

Ilforte jumped into the water, landing right on me. He mouthed the words "Got you, bro!" Under water before swimming back up. Now, I didn't realize we were in the deep end, which was about eight feet, but that doesn't really matter here, so I grabbed his ankle and dragged him down. I know I can hold my breath longer. Heh, shows him, he's a stupid bull, my zanpaktou doesn't mean "to fornicate" for nothing.

Before I could try and drown my **dear** brother, two hands reached down and pull us out.

"Do not fight, you are BROTHERS, you are supposed to have a bond!" scolded Tousen Kaname as he dragged us over to the shallower end (barely three and a half feet). "As Aizen-sama requested, I am going to be teaching you all about justice and getting along."

Cue the groans of disagreement.

"First, we are going to be doing trust exercises." Everyone stared at him blankly. "So I made it into a fun game! You all will be doing wheelbarrow races!" Again, we just sat/floated there.

"How's that gonna work?" asked Grimmjow. Tousen smiled for once, which kind of creeped us all out.

"I'm glad you asked, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. You are all going to partner up. One will be the wheelbarrow, one will be the wheelbarrow handler." We all stared dumbfounded. "You have to trust that your partner will pull you up in time before you drown!"

"That's a terrible trust game!" cried Lilynette as she pounded the closest person, which was me sadly, with her fist. "Starrk would just fall asleep and I could drown or he would if he was in the water!"

Tousen laughed. "You have to trust each other! As Espada, I do TRUST that you all are strong enough to participate in a trust game that involves life or death."

Every glanced at each other and shrugged. "Fine."

~S~

Well, since the pool was only so big, we could only have four or five teams at a time, which is almost everyone I do believe. Aizen-sama* had taken the responsibility to pick the teams, because his 'nigglywat' still hurt, he decided to sit from the balcony and scream instructions to us.

I had to be partnered up with my Aizen damned brother. Does he realize that we'll try to KILL each other? It's like the man paired up everyone who hated each other! Nnoitra and Tia and Grimmjow and Ulquiorra! The only sane enough pairing was Starrk and Lilynette! The last pairing was Ichimaru and Mai, but everyone was sure they would nearly drown each other also.

"Ready everyone?" called out Aizen from his up higher view. We all just glared up at him. "GO!" Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Lilynette, Mai, and I all went down as our partners grabbed our ankles and swam forward while we crawled.

Ilforte went quite fast, but that didn't matter since I could hold my breath longer, like I said earlier. I noticed that Nnoitra could hold his breath for a long time also. Lilynette somehow managed to make it to the six foot mark, even with Starrk's slow pace, without going up for air. I started to push up so I could go up for air, but since ILFORTE was my partner, he wouldn't let me and insisted that we kept going. I was only able to break out of my fate of drowning pathetically when he started laughing. When I emerged to the surface, I saw that we were close to the other end. The blonde had been laughing at Ulquiorra, who didn't swim up, but walked on the pool bottom, making him look like he was disappearing into the water with every step. By the time we hit the six foot mark, he had disappeared.

"Baka!" We all heard a splash and saw Nnoitra getting pushed under again. Tia roughly grabbed his ankles before continuing to go forward.

"Go down already, bro, we're at seven feet and Lilynette is beating us." I glared at him before diving down and getting to the end of the pool. After I emerged again, I pushed Ilforte down since it was his turn to be the wheelbarrow. We were going to win this!

Surprisingly, Starrk was a fast swimmer, and so was Lilynette. They were already over by the five foot mark!

Ulquiorra was now swimming, slowly actually, while Grimmjow tried to shove him to go faster. That didn't exactly work since they both weren't the best swimmers. Heck, I'm surprised they can swim at all.

A splash hit my face. Ilforte must want to go faster. So I went faster. It was insanely fast for a gigai and would've been sonido-ing if I were in my spiritual body. Glancing back, I saw that Nnoitra and Tia managed to get right on our tails. Surprisingly, Ichimaru and Mai manged to be in second place, despite their height difference.

Suddenly, Ilforte abruptly stopped, causing me to flip over him and land head first in the shallow area, also making me hit my head!

After we all emerged, we all sat on various things to catch our breath. Lilynette, Mai, and Halibel sat on the pink water bed. Starrk was sprawled out on the blue one while Nnoitra floated around at a relaxing pace on the killer whale. Grimmjow, Gin, and Ulquiorra just sat on the steps, arguing a bit about how looked stupidest. I wanted to sit also, but I didn't want to share a seat with Ilforte, or even sit anywhere near him, so I annoyed Nnoitra by riding double on the small plastic floaty.

"So, who won?" asked Grimmjow as he splashed Ulquiorra in the face. The Cuarto's response was shooting him with Ilforte's water gun.

Tousen frowned. "Do not splash each other, it is rude and unjustly. Well, unless it's for a game of water splish splash..." He turned to Tesla, who was just sitting on a chair, watching us play. "Why don't you get in the pool, Tesla? Yammy, Aaroniero, and Zommari may have chosen to go sight seeing, and Barragan can't do much physical stuff, but you can enjoy yourself!"

Tesla shook his head in response. "I don't want to. Cold water is too...cold."

We just let him be as Aizen-sama stated the winner. "The winner is~ Starrk and Lilinette! Team Primera wins!" We all chimed in with our two cents of disagreement.

"That's unfair! They're the Primera!"

"Mother Fu-!"

"Gin tried to push us! He was cheating!"

"Lilinette poked me in the eye!"

Aizen-sama didn't want to hear it of course. He just decided to let Tousen go on to the next activity.

"I want you all to observe each other." We all stared at each other in a creepy way, wanting to see who would crack first. "You are all different from one another. As the Espada, your goals, ideals, and beliefs are all different. You all come from all over the world and hold different positions." We kept staring at each other. "But that does not give you the right to make fun of each other."

Oh, damn.

"We are going to be doing a bit of role playing, but first, think back to when you first met each other," said Tousen as he started wading around.

I thought back to when I first met this group of Espada. Starrk was sleepy, Barragan just stared at me, and Tia had commented on my pink hair, trying to be nice. I remember that Ulquiorra called me pathetic pink trash when I showed him one of my experiments, and that Grimmjow and Nnoitra decided to follow me and mess up my hair all day. Aaroniero and I fought for a while, since we never liked each other, and Yammy had told me to go make him a sandwich. Zommari didn't even bother with trying to meet me, but he gave me a speech about crap on how perfection was difficult and that is anyone were perfect, it wouldn't be me. Gin even went out of his way and switched the halls around. He had invited all the other Espada to come to the control room and watch me wander around aimlessly, looking stupid.

"I'm sure you were all VERY kind to each other." A bunch of us snorted. "Now, get into two groups." Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Lilynette, and I all were in one group. The other group consisted of Starrk, Tia, Ulquiorra, Mai, and Gin.

"Now, I want Grimmjow's group to be the bullies."

Nnoitra glanced at his light blue haired friend and grinned. "Gladly."

"Gin will be the teacher," instructed Tousen.

Ichimaru smiled (like usual) and went to stand in front of everyone.

"And Mai, you can be the new girl. Ulquiorra will be your brother that has an inner conflict on weather to assist his sister or not."

The younger Cifer stared dumbfoundly between Tousen and Ulquiorra.

"The rest of you are students," said Tousen to the two most powerful Espada in the pool...oh, and Ilforte. He's such an idiot I almost didn't see him if it weren't for his stupid hair. "Let's say that Mai is being made fun of by the bullies." He glanced at Nnoitra's group. "What would Ilforte, Ulquiorra, Starrk, and Tia say to defend her? No, you cannot try and murder each other."

We all just stood there for a while. Tousen sighed before trying to suggest a situation. "Okay...what would you say or do to someone being bullied or the bully? Anyone?"

I thought for a bit before Nnoitra spoke up. "I would join the bullies 'cause the new girl IS a freak."

"Something HELPFUL, Nnoitra Jiruga."

"Tell them to"Shut up and go die in a hole**?" suggested Grimmjow as he glanced over at Mai. Lilinette giggled.

"That's...a start..."

"For Aizen's sake, let's just try role playing."

~S~

"Woah, you're the new girl, ain't ya?" Nnoitra asked Mai for our role play in the pool. She nodded slightly. He squinted at her before breaking into song and failed danging. "Yer a FREAK! She's a super freak! Super freak!"

Mai burtsted out laughing so hard that she nearly fell and drowned herself.

"No, Mai, this isn't supposed to be funny!" scolded Tousen.

"Fine, fine, sorry!" she called before turning back to Nnoitra with a half serious look. "I'm not a freak!"

"Oi, Nnoitra!" Grimmjow waded over. "New girl, eh? Hmm..." He stroked an imaginary goatee.

Lilynette laughed out loud. "Nnoi-tora! She's such a freaky freak! Freaky freak! Super freaky freak~!"

Mai suppressed a laugh.

"You look weird. I mean, sky blue hair and turquoise eyes? How much freakier can you GET?" he said with a mean smirk.

"Tsk, says the one with light blue hair," I said as I pushed up my not really there glasses.

She frowned. "How do you know my exact hair and eye color?"

Grimmjow flushed a bit before getting "in character" again. "You don't tell me to shut up!"

"Yeah! Tell her, Grimmjow!" cheered Nnoitra.

"Pretty good for an idiot!" chimed in Lilinette.

"Baka," was all I added.

"You look weird, you dress weird, you smell weird." He took a step closer. "You should just leave and go back to Freakyo!"

Our group laughed...until Grimmjow messed up.

"You know I really don't mean this, Mai. You don't look weird at all. And we're all in swimsuits, but I think the purple looks good on you. And you definitely don't smell weird. Your vanilla shampoo always smells great," he paused for a moment as we all stared at him. "I mean, not that I know it's vanilla! It just kinda smells like vanilla and all... It's not like I take notice of what shampoo you have when I'm taking a shower, since you know we share a room and bathroom and the headquarters in general and all..." He flushed before continuing to ramble. "I mean we need to figure out a bathroom schedule once we get back to Las Noches because that one time I almost walked in on you was kinda-"

"ENOUGH!" screeched Lilinette. "We all know you have a creepy stalker crush on Mai-chan! We don't need to know what happens in that room of yours!"

"Let's just get on with the next part," said Tousen with a frustrated sigh.

"Wait, you almost walked in on me when I was in the shower? !" demanded Mai with an embarrassed blush.

"So that's why he was all red in the face and nearly had a nosebleed..." said Ilforte with a thoughtful look on his face.

"I-I didn't know you were in there! And you left the door unlocked!" accused Grimmjow as he splashed Ilforte for his unhelpness.

"You told me there was a three hour Espada meeting! And the door was CLOSED!" she yelled back as Tousen sighed another frustrated sigh.

"Hey! At least I realized you were in there before I decided to take a showe-!" he was cut off with a whack to the face from Ulquiorra.

"I don't want to know." Everyone else agreed with him.

"Told ya that ya shouldn't share a room wit' him 'til ya were eighteen in Livin' Years, Mai-chan," said Gin as I chuckled a bit.

"Stick to the scrip." Tousen said.

"What scrip?" Tia shoved Grimmjow underwater once he said that.

"Don't make fun of her, baka neko," she said. It didn't really sound like she was trying, but oh well.

"Yeah! Shut up and go die in a hole!" yelled Nnoitra unhelpfully.

"Wrong side, bro," said Ilforte. He seemed thoughtful for a bit before speaking up again. "Let's say I'm the popular one."

Everyone snorted, but didn't say anything. I seriously wanted to kill his face.

Ilforte waded over to Mai and took her wrist, pulling her to his side. "Hey, you dipshits shouldn't make fun of her, got that?"

Tousen sighed again before pointing out that we weren't allowed to use bad words with Lilinette present. (since she was a "child") We didn't bother to tell him that half of the modern expressions we know like "this is mine, bitch", or "STFU" were taught to us by Lilinette in the first place.

"When I say this, Tousen-san, I say on behalf o all o us," said Ichimaru as he waded into the middle of our group. The blind man turned to him. "STFU."

We all laughed at Gin's statement, even though I don't really see why it's funny. But I was just thinking STFU... Sometimes I swear Gin could read minds. Once, just once, I would like to catch him off guard and knock him out so I can analyze his brain. If he gets killed, I'll gladly research more about Shinigami, just for the fun of it. Maybe I'll even create a program for science! Speaking of which, this program didn't turn out well at all...

"Um, Gin?" Tousen had a slight confused look on his face. "What does STFU stand for...?"

"Eh...pardon my French, but-"

"You're not speaking French though."

"It's an expression...it means dat I'm 'bout ta say a bad word, so it tells ya ta pardon it," explained Gin as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh...okay...I guess I'll pardon you since you're younger and don't know better," said Tousen as he "looked" toward Gin. (He was "looking" at Ulquiorra instead) "But do not say it too much, Gin, it is unjustly to do so."

"Um...it means shut de fuck up..." said Gin in a quieter voice. Tousen looked startled.

Then he passed out. So it was our job to carry him out of the pool and onto a bed. Looks like the program is over.

"WOO! THE PROGRAM'S OVER~!" shouted half of the group gleefully.

I sighed. Let the water wars commence.

**_END CHAPTER_**

**_*_**It's just so fun to write Aizen as OOC please don't mind^^

**_**_**We have an anti-bullying program at my school, and I actually suggested that to my friends. The guys we were partnered up with were all like "how is this funny in ANY way?" and I'm thinkin' "urusai, BA~KA(s) you're always saying stupid things and practically dying in you chair from laughter anyways!"

Merry Christmas! I meant to post this yesterday, but we went sledding...and I think I nearly snapped my neck/had a concussion XDDD

Please review if you have the time/desire to (we all know you do =3)

Sightseeing at night, drive, THEN the cruise! WOO! XDD

~Amaterasu Ai


	7. Night Time Walk

Espada Vacation

Chapter 7~U~

~U~

_"Maria, I love you, I cannot live without you! Maria!" _

Suddenly, the TV shut off.

"Ulquiorra, my son, we did not come into this world and go halfway across it to sit in front of a television screen and rot. Let's go do some sight seeing!" exclaimed Aizen-sama as he pulled my book out of my hands and threw it in a drawer. I didn't want to go outside, but Aizen-sama told me it was quite peaceful. He also told how "fabulous" this place was and how "yummy" the "pizza" is here. I didn't want him to drone on forever about how wonderful a city that he was planning to take over some day was great, so I just agreed to go sightseeing.

"I will go," I said as I stood up and pulled on a light jacket since it was a bit windy out.

"Yes, my child, I want you to go with a few of your brothers and sister. They do not want to be left out. Show them the beauty of this world before I crush it, Ulquiorra." Aizen-sama opened the door as I stepped through it. Once I was out, he shut the door. A clicking noise indicated that he locked it. I heard the TV turn on as I turned to go gather the trash.

~U~

"I'll go, Ulquiorra-sama!" called out Mai. I had come to both rooms to ask who wanted to actually come, and Mai seemed like she was about to jump on me from excitement (or relief) to get out of the room.

"I'll go, too," said Grimmjow as he followed Mai out the door. Nnoitra got up also with a grin.

"I don't wanna miss the fun!" he scanned the over crowded room. "You losers stay here and watch humans beat the snot out of each other on TV."

I sighed in my mind. I thought they would all want to stay in their rooms... But now I have to go "sight seeing" with them.

"I'll go, too."

...and Szayel Aporro... So now I have to go sightseeing with Mai, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, and Szayel Aporro.

"Let's go and get this over with." I started heading out the door, the other four following me when Szayel Aporro pulled Nnoitra back and Grimmjow covered Mai's eyes.

"Don't turn around," he told her, stifling an annoying giggle (that was manly, he said once when I pointed out that men shouldn't giggle). I turned around and immediately turned back.

"Why?" she asked, sounding a bit annoyed. "Move your hand or I'm gonna bite your wrist." Grimmjow "tsk"ed before Mai bit him.

"OW! You little bitch!" he pulled his hand away and held it to his chest.

"I told you."

"Szayel, dude, not gay."

"I am not either, but put on some pants before going out in public. Heck, put on some underwear since we're all sharing a room!" scolded Szayel as he smacked the back of the Quinta's head.

"Why should I?" Nnoitra yelled back as he turned to go pull on some pants.

"There's a lady present," Szayel Aporro pointed out as he gestured at Mai, who made a very smart decision to not turn around. "Also, even if I WAS gay, you're not my type."

"I'm out of your league anyways," Nnoitra called from the bathroom. When he came out, he wore a ridiculous plaid attire.

"Let's go, bitches."

~U~

We were waiting to cross the street so we could begin our 'fabulous' (as Aizen-sama had said) sight seeing adventure.

"...tsk, Nnoitra, you wouldn't be the one saying "Let's go, bitches!" said Grimmjow. Nnoitra turned back at him.

"Why? You're all my bitches and you'll do anything as I say!" He said rather loudly and proudly. Nnoitra pulled everyone into what Gin called a 'group hug' or 'huddle' and whispered in an annoying way. "_Anything~_"

"DUDE! That's disgusting! That's even wronger then Szayel!" shouted Grimmjow as he elbowed himself out of the way.

"I'm not wrong! I'm who I am and I'm proud of it! You're just jealous because I am the PERFECT being!" Szayel Aporro pushed up his glasses while raising his middle finger at the two without them noticing. He glared when he was done. "Now hush up or I'll dissect you while you're all still alive."

Grimmjow started shouting some nonsense about being the king as Szayel Aporro continued to go on about being perfect. Nnoitra also chimed in about how he was the strongest Espada, which is an obvious lie, and how women should be extinct. I sighed at the noise they were creating. It didn't help that Mai started yelling at them all to be quiet, even though they just ignored her.

"Your MOM should be extinct!" yelled Grimmjow as he flicked Nnoitra in his good eye.

"She should be because she's a woman!" countered Nnoitra as he kicked the Sexta in the shin. When he got a kick to the stomach as a reply, the two started fighting as if it was for the title of who got to behead Aizen-sama in his sleep.

"If your mother was extinct, YOU wouldn't be here," Szayel Aporro said with his smile as he pushed the two away from each other. "Even though that isn't a BAD thing, but you two twits need to think more! If women didn't exist, than none of you would be here because there was no mother to give birth to you!"

"T-M-I!" shouted the two as they jabbed a finger at the Octava. They stared at each other for a moment before grinning and shouting at the same time again. "JINX!" They continued grinning as they continued shouting. "DOUBLE JINX!"

Szayel Aporro rolled his eyes before crossing the street. I followed along with Mai as the two continued to yell at each other.

"TRIPLE JINX!" they both jabbed a finger at each other. "QUADRUPLE JINX!" They were about to shout again when they both stopped and ran to catch up with us.

"Where should we go first?" asked Szayel Aporro as he sat down on a bench after disinfecting it. He pulled out a small map and scanned over it. I leaned over slightly and saw that the closest thing to here was a place that had pizza. Thankfully, the pink haired scientist did not pick to go there. "Why don't we walk a bit and go get some sandwiches? They sell some down a few blocks."

He was ignored because the trash had figured out that they were still having their trashy 'jinx' contest.

"QUINTUPLE JINX!" they yelled at each other. Szayel Aporro rolled his eyes as he got up and pocketed his map. He lead the way down the sidewalk where many other humans were.

"The place isn't too far, if you don't want to come, stay. If you don't want to stay, come, it's not science. Well, I COULD make it science, but it's your choice." I did not want to be left with Nnoitra and Grimmjow, so I went with Szayel Aporro.

"Wait...what's next?...Quinta..." Nnoitra seemed thoughtful for a bit.

"Me! Sexta! I'm the Sexta! So..." The two pointed at each other once again. "SEXTUPLE JINX!" they shouted before glaring at the other.

"OCTAVA JINX!" Eighth...when will they notice that we are leaving? "You skipped one!" they shouted at each other. "SO DID YOU!"

They stopped for a moment.

"NOVENA JINX!"

~U~

"Ulquiorra, feel free to browse the store while I get us sandwiches," said Szayel Aporro as he went to stand in line.

"Fine, but if I see that you tampered with it in any way, shape, form, or even idea, then you will be asking for a swift death," I told him as he pocketed the tiny jar he had been taking out of his pocket. He smiled back at me.

"Now why would I ever do that?"

Once I entered the shopping part of the place, it was much quieter. Still noisy, but not as loud as the sandwich place. I walked over to a shelf and looked down at the hats and T-shirts that they were selling. They had different colors, but they didn't have any black or white, which just showed how flashy humans try to be. I was about to walk on when a hat was placed on my head. It was a bit large so it fell over my eyes.

Turning around, I was about to punch the person, but they jumped out of the way. I pushed the hat up to see Lilinette Gingerback. She stood in front of an exhausted looking Starrk, Tia stood a few feet away, watching with a small smile.

"Ulquiorra, you're such a meanie! Loosen up a bit!" she said with a grin as she picked up a T-shirt and hat. "I'm gonna get a hat so we can match!"

"No, Lilinette, I don't-"

"No worries, Ulquiorra! If you're THAT cheap, I'll be nice to you for once and buy it for you!" exclaimed the blonde as she skipped over to the cashier after she pulled my hat off.

I glanced over at Starrk and Tia. They were just standing there, amused smiles on their faces. They didn't say a word as Lilinette skipped back over and placed the hat on my head. She beamed, saying that if I dressed up like a 'cow boy' than Starrk and I would match or something.

"Let's go sight seeing! Aizen-sama sent me and Starrk and Halibel out! Barragan just sat in front of the TV and whined about kingship or somethin'..." Lilinette paused before jumping up and dragging us out toward the shops.

~U~

"Lilinette-!" She didn't listen as she continued running into a store. We followed since we had no other choice. Szayel Aporro had caught up and decided to help Lilinette pick out the 'perfect' bathing suit.

"I think the red and white don't look bad on you, Lilinette. It may look too flashy on someone as dull as Ulquiorra, but if looks just fine on you," said Szayel from a few racks away. He walked over to Starrk and I, who were standing by the junk that they sold. Tia was off trying to find a new swim suit as well. "Ulquiorra, you go and try on this one. Black will contrast with your sickly pale skin, so you'll look better."

I took the hanger that Szayel Aporro gave me and headed into a changing room.

"And Starrk, you should try on that dark blue. We'll see how it looks on you. And I think you'll enjoy swimming, so go and get some swim gear, there's a beautiful ocean in the Bahamas and we do NOT want to miss it!" exclaimed Szayel as he sauntered away.

I stopped for a moment inside the changing room. When Szayel Aporro said 'blue', it made me think that I was forgetting something...

~M~

"Achoo!" I sneezed as we walked through a parking lot. Grimmjow and Nnoitra were still going at their jinx fight.

"TWENTY-THIRD JINX!" They both shouted as Nnoitra tripped and fell. Grimmjow took advantage of the moment and shouted, "TWENTY-FOURTH JINX! HA! I won! You owe me a soda, Jiruga!" yelled Grimmjow. He looked forward to the pizza place ahead of us. "On second thought, you can buy pizza AND soda."

"Damn you, Jeagerjaques!" Nnoitra yelled with a grin as he got up. Once we got up to the place, Grimmjow plunked down on the bench, pulling me down with him. He grinned up at Nnoitra.

"Get a pizza for us, m'dear butler! My lady here would just have a salad, she's on a diet to get rid of some junk in the trunk," Grimmjow said in an accent as he gestured towards the door. I smacked his head.

"I am NOT fat!" Grimmjow pushed me back.

"Of course, _darling,_" he said, drawing it out with an accent, making it sound like dawl-ing. He switched back to his normal voice, still being half sarcastic. "Whatever makes you happy, Mai. If you say you're not fat and not on a diet, than you're not."

I rolled my eyes. How does Harribel deal with this all the time? Some men are so rude.

"Right, so a meat lovers pizza and a salad. I'll get some cinnamon bread since Szayel loves those and would scarf them all down by the time we get back to the room," Nnoitra was about to go in when I spoke up.

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I eat salad all the time. I'll just share a pizza with you guys, but you could get a salad for Ulquiorra-sama instead," I said. Nnoitra smirked and ruffled up my hair.

"Look who thinks she's all high and mighty, thinking herself equal to Grimmjow to give me orders! Hah!" He went in after messing up my hair even more. "Stay with your master, bitch."

I stood there for a moment. I growled, "_What_ did he just call me?"

"He called you a bitch," Grimmjow said, being as unhelpful as ever.

"I'll be right back," I muttered as I pushed the doors angrily.

~U~

"Szayel Aporro, I no longer want to put up with any of this. You will help me get out of this ridiculous scuba gear, right now."

Lilinette giggled as Szayel Aporro rolled his eyes and started tugging the gear off. "Fine, but don't complain to me when you miss out on all the fun."

"Trust me, I won't." Once he was finished and I was in my own clothes again, we went out to go and get ice cream.

"I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH WITH CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES AND A VANILLA TWIST WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN IT!" shouted Lilinette as we walked back to where we started. Nnoitra, Grimmjow, and Mai were nowhere in sight.

"Lilinette, you've had enough sugar in the room. Barragan needs to stop bribing you with candy..." Starrk mumbled as he sat down at a table once we entered the ice cream shop.

"Fine... Starrk you're so anti-vacation!" yelled the blonde as she poked Starrk really hard in the eye. He bolted up and towered over Lilinette.

"OW! LILINETTE!" The teenage boy who was behind the counter looked frightened out of his mind. Starrk sat back down, not wanting to seem like a child abuser. He sighed as he propped his head up on his hand. "I'm not anti-vacation, my idea of a vacation is sleeping."

"Then you have a vacation every night! Baka-Starrk!" When he didn't respond, Lilinette skipped up to the counter and smiled at the teenager. He still looked frightened as she scanned the selections of ice cream they had. "There's so many colors, you could make a rainbow! Speaking of rainbows, I'll take a rainbow sherbert, Mister!" She handed him the money as Szayel strolled up. He crouched down to look at the many colors and flavors of ice cream. With the look on his face, you would think that he was analyzing every flavor and color as if one of them contained the cure for idiots.

"I'll just have Oreo dip n' dots." Tia ordered as the boy nodded with a blush across his face. When he handed it to her, he held her hand for a second.

"It's on the house, Miss! And if you ever need anything, please, just come to me!" He exclaimed. Tia stared at him.

"I have one thing to ask." He nodded, excited to hear the request. "Let go of my hand or I'll kill you." He immediately did as asked.

After a long ten minutes, Szayel Aporro finally stood up. "I'll have the bubble gum, my good man." The boy got up and started getting the ice cream. "Make sure to add a bit of sherbert in there. Oh, and get some vanilla for my pale 'friend' here. Oh, also, get some chocolate chip cookie dough for sleepy one over there." He put down the money and sat down at a table. The place was empty except for us, so it got annoying very quickly when the Octava started tapping an old song on the table.

It also did not help that Lilinette knew the song and decided to sing along. It was also VERY unhelpful that the boy was taking so long to get the trashy ice cream.

"You say good-bye~ But I say HELLO~ Hello, good bye~! I dunno why you say goodbye, I say HEL~LO~O~!" sand Lilinette as she danced around with her ice cream. When they were done, they both were paused in a way as if they were expecting an applause.

"Well, aren't you going to ask for an encore?" asked Szayel Aporro. I was about to say no when the trashy boy who took too bloody long called that our ice cream was ready.

"Why don't we go outside and eat this? When we finish, we can go stroll around." Everyone agreed to Tia's suggestion. Starrk was asleep, so Tia and Aporro had to drag him.

Lilinette didn't mind at all that she had to carry his ice cream.

~U~

When we all were outside, Starrk had woken up and complained about being exhausted, so we all decided to sit down on a bench near the pizza place. We talked quietly for a bit. Lilinette and Szayel chatted about how some people were stupid and such. They were becoming friends over one night. Tia had a very short conversation with Starrk, who had closed his eyes agaom. I just sat there with my ice cream. After one spoonful, I decided that I didn't want something so cold at the moment.

"Ulquiorra? Why don't you smile?" asked Lilinette as she turned to me.

"Becush hesh an e-woe dunner," said Szayel through his mouthful of ice cream. Lilinette giggled as she shoveled some of Starrk's ice cream into her mouth.

"Whash?" After Szayel swallowed he grinned.

"Because he's an emo downer." Lilinette swallowed and turned to me again.

"You probably have a pretty smile, Ulquiorra. Even if it IS ugly, no one will make fun of you too much because you're stronger than most people." Lilinette ate more ice cream. "You could just pummel them to the ground if they make fun of you!"

Szayel laughed, "Yeah, you should smile, Ulquiorra. It's probably very _pretty_." I glared at Szayel Aporro.

That took my attention away from Lilinette, which was a bad idea.

"Smile, Ulquiorra!" she laughed as she grabbed my face and pulled the sides of my mouth upwards, making my face hideously smiling. "Haha, that's better! C'mon, Ulquiorra, loosen up, we're on vacation!"

Starrk had just started lightly snoring, signaling that he was having a peaceful sleep, when the door to the pizza place slammed open. Grimmjow walked out, looking irritated. Mai followed him, her cheeks were pink, part of her sleeve was ripped, and she was holding her arm lightly. Last came out Nnoitra, who was carrying two pizzas and a soda that he tossed at Grimmjow. Grimmjow shook it before aiming it at the Quinta. He opened it, letting the orange soda shoot out and hit the other in the eye.

We stared at them for a while, everyone was silent, except for Lilinette, she was slurping at her sherbert that was starting to drip. "What...happened?" asked Tia as she walked over to them. She took a look at Mai and I saw her eyes narrow in question. The other in turn looked away. "And who would like to explain everything?"

Curiosity had gotten our attention as Tia took the ribbon that Mai had and started tying it around her head. After a minute, she was done. The ribbon hung loosely to the side, pulling some of her hair down over her eye.

"Well...Nnoitra called Mai a bitch, so she went in after him and started yelling at him about how he should stop being sexist. That didn't end very well because they kinda started fighting..." Grimmjow tried and failed miserably at hiding his laugh. Soon, he was howling with laughtar.

"It didn't help that the damn Sexta started screaming "CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!" Nnoitra glared at the said Sexta, who started crying from laughing so much.

"SHUT UP!" Mai and Nnoitra both yelled at Grimmjow.

He still couldn't stop laughing.

~U~

Starrk complained about being tired, so Szayel and Lilinette decided to take them back to the room, delivering the pizzas also. We were going to go walking around and such. Nnoitra and Grimmjow stayed away from each other, thank Kami, but they still shot death glares at each other.

"I wanna go and pull some pranks though!" complained Nnoitra as he held out his arm, making people walk into it if they weren't paying attention. Many people did and glared at him.

"Can't I just go back to the room and go to sleep?" asked Grimmjow as he forced a yawn. _(AN: I YAWNED~! XD)_

"I'm tired too, can't I just go back?" said Mai as she glanced at the direction that Lilinette and Szayel lugged Starrk off.

"Go back, go anywhere, I don't care. I just want to walk around. Feel free to go and rot in your rooms on the one night we're in Florida," Tia snapped as she gave us a warning look.

No one went away. We all continued walking in silence. I didn't mind, of course. I prefer this to the bickering between Nnoitra and Grimmjow any day. They would probably talk and whine and yell and scream until the deaf can hear them. Nnoitra had put his arm down; now he was smirking down at Mai, who was glaring back.

"Whatever you're thinking of, don't even think about it," Tia warned without even turning around. The Quinta rolled his eye and mouthed 'bitch'. "Bastard," she retorted even though he didn't even say it.

"What happened anyways?" I asked Mai as she shifted a bit. When I saw that she didn't intend to reply, I pulled the soft fabric away from her face. The wind blew her hair out of the way and I saw that she had a black eye.

"Nnoitra happened."

The Quinta cackled at the sound of his name. "I got you GOOD, bitch! You only got a small scratch on me!" He cackled again.

"Shut up! You think you're so high and mighty, and yet you got beat up by Nel and Harribel!" Mai yelled angrily. I have never seen her this mad and I can tell that Nnoitra really got on her nerves.

"You make it seem like girls are weak, which they are! Thought you were Little Miss Feminist!" taunted Nnoitra as he cackled. "Or in your case, Little Miss Bitchy Bitch!"

"I was trying to make a point! If you're so high and mighty, you would be the Primera Espada! And you're not, now are you?" she took a breath before smirking up at him. "Let's here it, WHO'S the Primera?"

"Starrk! The lazy bastard doesn't deserve to be numero uno! I SHOULD! Screw Barragan, Harribel, and Ulquiorra! I'M the STRONGEST!" he yelled as passers-by started to stop and stare.

"I've seen you try and fight Ulquiorra and you FAILED!" yelled Mai as she aimed a punch at the Quinta, who leaned out of the way.

"Well, I've seen you kiss Grimmjow in his sleep and he always woke up screaming!" retorted Nnoitra as another punch aimed at him failed. Grimmjow stopped.

"You what? !"

"That' never happened!" she shouted as she kicked Nnoitra in the shin.

"And I never fought Ulquiorra!" yelled Nnoitra as he swung a kick, which aimed poorly because Mai barely had to duck because of their height difference.

"OWNED, BITCH!" yelled Grimmjow. They stopped for a moment before they all started to shout again.

"SHUT UP, NNOITRA!"

"SHUT UP, GRIMMJOW'S BITCH!"

"BOTH OF YOU, _SHUT UP_!"

I sighed as I walked back to the hotel with Tia. They didn't have the key so they would have quite a hard time getting back in.

"They're going to have a long night in the cold," commented Tia as we walked into the parking lot.

I nodded, "But the trash deserve it."

Tia smiled a bit behind her scarf, one of her out of character moments. "Damn straight."

_END CHAPTER_

_AN: I told myself that I would have this finished and posted by six o'clock...I'm two hours and 22 minutes late..._


	8. Le Ride And Le Bet

Espada Vacation

Chapter 8: Le Ri-de And Le Bet

~S~

It was about one AM when I heard some bustling out by the window. I groggily got up and opened the window and looked down. What I saw was Mai Cifer, climbing up the fire escape. Below, Grimmjow was looking up with a smirk.

"Szayel!" Mai looked up with a relieved face. "Please, will you help me in?"

Before I could respond, Grimmjow called from below, "Oi, Mai, I can see your panties!"

From my view, I could see that she rolled her eyes while blushing a bit.

"I'm not wearing a skirt, Baka." Grimmjow grinned.

"Nah, but you got baggy shorts on and I can see your panties! And let me just say…" He paused to laugh. "You DO have junk in the trunk!"

"I DO NOT!" Mai pulled herself up and climbed through the window. "Feel free to lock him out." She stuck her head out the window and stuck out her tongue. "Nighty-night, BAKA!"

Once she was in, I shut the window, smirking at the protests and curses coming from Grimmjow and Nnoitra.

~S~ …The next morning…

"Oh, what a GLORIOUS morning!" I crowed as I pulled back the curtains. Complaints came from Ilforte and Yammy as they rolled over. Various groans were heard from those who were rolled on.

"Bro…it's…eight o'clock…shut up…" My idiot of a brother pulled the covers over his head as I went around, yanking the covers off.

"Nyaa…it's cold…" groaned Mai as she got up. I smiled as I went around to everyone's suit cases and pulled out a pair of clothes. I threw them all around.

"Then put on your day clothes and let's go!" I chirped as I opened the window. "You too, lazy bastards!" Grimmjow and Nnoitra groaned from the ground.

"The only lazy bastard around here is Starrk," they called up as they flipped me off. I ignored them as I went around the room shoving everyone into a corner, a closet, or the bathroom to get dressed.

"Only a few more hours until we set off to the Bahamas! Let's MOVE IT!" I yelled enthusiastically as everyone shuffled around.

~U~

"Aizen-sama...?" I blinked a few times as the lights kept flicking on and off.

"Wake up, my wonderful son! Today, we head to the Bahamas! Be HAPPY!" he crowed as he pulled me out of bed. "Now get up and at 'em!"

~S~

"BAKA-STARRK! BAKA-STARRK! BAKA-STARRK!" yelled Lilinette as she poked me. I groaned and waved her off. She went to Barragan and poked him before standing up on the table in front of us. "WAKE UP, MINNA-CHAN!"

"Why…?" I groaned again as she grinned.

"Because we're going to the BAHAMAS today! YIPEE!" She jumped off the table and landed on my stomach.

"OOUFF!"

"C'MON! UP AND AT 'EM, BAKA-STARRK!"

~S~

When we were all gathered up in the parking lot, Aizen-sama said we were all going to be riding together in one big van to the place where the cruise was.

"So I want Gin to drive. I don't care what you all say, but he's the highest ranking person that can drive well, other then _me_ of course." None of us commented because we knew Aizen-sama sucked at driving. He was retarded when it came to driving.

Gin happily got into the driver's seat. Aizen and Tousen got up in front (since there were three seats up there). Starrk, Lilinette, Barragan, Tia, and Ulquiorra all squished into the middle row. Barragan took up most of it, though, forcing Tia and Lilinette to sit on the ground. In the back row, Nnoitra, Grimmjow, Aaroniero, and I sat back there. The rest of them: Yammy, Tesla, Ilforte, Mai, and the suite cases were all in the very back-back.

"Yammy, will you please move…? You're sitting on my leg…" Tesla sighed in relief when he moved.

"Ow! Yammy, move, you're pushing me against the wall!" Mai complained as she tried to shove the giant back.

"Why don't you just have Tesla sit on Yammy's lap, and have Mai sit on Ilforte's lap?" I suggested as I turned around. Grimmjow glared at me as they got into the suggested positions. I knew it would piss him off; he's just so predictable!

"Ba**ka**." I turned to Aaroniero, who was sitting right next to me. He glared. "**We could all **die if you **piss him off** too much."

I waved them off. Nothing was going to ruin my wonderful mood! "You two can finish each others' sentences! Fascinating, maybe you two are just MEANT for each other!"

They started to curse at me, but of course, I ignored them.

"Szayel, you hate me don't you?" growled Grimmjow as he glanced back at Ilforte and Mai.

"Maybe~" I purred as I glanced between Grimmjow and my should-most-likely-be-adopted-brother. "Heh, if you love her so much, why don't you just confess to her? It would make an awfully good movie or play." I pushed up my glasses, "I would write it and become the greatest writer/scientist in history and beyond! Even better then Shakespeare!"

Nnoitra rolled his eye. "Shut up, pink freak. But Grimm, ya don't gotta 'confess' to her, just take her fer yourself! Try an' discipline her like Ulquiorra did with pet-sama!" He grinned as he reached back and ruffled the poor girl's hair. "Ya ain't gonna disobey someone of a higher rank, are ya, Grimmjow's bitch?"

"Sh-shut up!"

I rolled my eyes at them. Oh, how they waste their time. It took about an hour to get to the ship, so I would need to find something to do… "Mai, do you want me to heal that black eye of yours?"

She nodded, "Thanks, that'd be nice, Szayel."

"Bro, I don't trust you with anything! By the time you're done, she'll probably have a third eye!" He sighed as he shifted to the side so that he would be almost sitting on Mai. "I know how to heal WITHOUT killing someone else's face bro."

I glared at him. "I hope you rot in hell someday."

~S~

It's half an hour later and there is nothing to do. Aizen-sama had gotten pizza (at McDonald's oddly enough*…) and we had headed out onto the highway. Grimmjow and Nnoitra had complained about wanting to go into the play place to terrorize small children, but Aizen-sama had simply said they can do that all they want when he takes over the universe.

Tousen was still talking about justice, which Aizen-sama was pretending to listen to as he hummed a bit. Barragan had just sat there, cursing under his breath about Aizen and Starrk as the said Primera snored softly. Ulquiorra looked bored. At one point, he had pulled out his book that I really want to read, but he learned the hard way that it wasn't a good idea to read in a car. Right now, he was sleeping quietly.

"I'm sooo boooored…" said Lilinette dully from the ground. She was so bored that she looked depressed, just sitting there, toying with the hat she bought yesterday.

Tia sat at Starrk's feet, silent throughout the whole ride. The only time she spoke up was to tell Nnoitra to be respectful. (Since he had been pulling at Ilforte's hair and ranting about manly-ness and how men don't have long hair. I questioned him about his own hair, but he just retorted that I had gay hair.)

In our row, I had long been just sitting there, dully pointing out once in a while the errors that Ilforte made while he was healing Mai's eye. Arrancar don't use kido like Shinigami do, but we have healing abilities similar to it. (No, we do not vomit on a person; that's just Neliel.) He usually ignored me, but listened when I gave him tips.

Aaroniero had fallen asleep, leaning back since no one wanted him to lean on them. Grimmjow had switched spots with Tesla and was sprawled out in the back on everyone's suite cases, napping peacefully. Nnoitra was just twiddling his fingers, obviously very bored.

"Nnoitra-sama, do you need anything?" asked Tesla as he glanced over at his master. The Quinta glared back, but responded with a no.

In the back, Yammy had fallen asleep, leaning on the walls, snoring loudly. Every once in a while, you'd hear a word or two; something like "ticklish~". It was quite disturbing.

Mai had also fallen asleep after Ilforte was done. She had used the suit cases as a pillow, her body half on and off of them. Grimmjow rolled over at one point and pulled her up against him in his sleep. (At least, I think he was pretending to be asleep.)

Nnoitra, of course, had taken a picture with his cell phone and sent it to everyone else. Within seconds, everyone was glancing back and smiling at each other. Soon, the van was filled with hushed whispers, most likely gossip and things like that.

"So, how do you react to this part of the act?" I asked Ulquiorra when he had woken up and glanced back.

"Act…?" I rolled my eyes.

"Life is like a play, silly. How do you react to this?" I asked him again. He just stared back at the two. After a minute of thought, he spoke up.

"I hope that they are not drooling on my luggage."

I couldn't help, but laugh at that. "Oh, Ulquiorra, silly, you need to lighten up. Not everyone is perfect, and you are obviously one of the non-perfects!" I could tell that he no longer wanted to listen so I turned back to Ilforte.

"Hello, _Nii-san_!" I chirped as he looked up from his laid back position.

"Sup, bro?" he asked as he smirked up. Now, I knew that he knew that I absolutely loathed him, but when there is no one else interesting around, I have decided to talk to my dearest brother.

"Not much, BRO," I replied with a grin. "I was just thinking it's a lovely day out! Want some pizza? How's life? How did you spend your birthday last month? May I experiment on your face? Did I mention that I love you, Ilforte-nii?"

He just looked up with a blank expression. "Sure, fine, I had a girl "sleepover"; unlike you, no, you may not, and no, you did not." Ilforte had a satisfied smile on his face. "That should answer your questions. And I loathe you too, bro."

Darn…he was smarter then I thought… "So…how was the 'sleepover'?"

"Fine."

We were silent for a while. It just shows how brotherly we are, huh? After a few more minutes of silence, my phone went off, telling me I had a text.

"U suk bro" was what it said. The sender; none other than Ilforte himself. I texted him back.

A moment later, Ilforte's phone beeped. Wait for it… "What do you mean by that?" he exclaimed angrily as he replied.

"Ur mom" It read. I laughed. At first, it was just a small laugh, but two minutes later, I was laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"What? Shut up and answer me, dammit!" he yelled. Nnoitra joined in with my laughing, since he found it hilarious when I showed him the text. Tesla joined in, but his laugh was drowned out by ours.

"You mean, OUR mom, Ilforte." I continued laughing. Nnoitra cackled again.

"Yer DUMB, blondie." Nnoitra cackled as he gave a whack to the said blonde's head. "Heh, ya just owned yerself!"

"I don't own myself!" Ilforte glared at the Quinta, but said Quinta continued laughing.

"Yeah, ya probably do. You're your own bitch." He cackled as Ilfore sat back and seemed to be counting backwards slowly from ten.

"Don't fret, dear brother, I'm sure you'll feel much better once you…how do I put this? Visit your… 'little friend.'" I snickered as he lunged, trying to strangle me. I spit out a cero and made the son of a bitch sit down again.

~S~

"Can I drive?" Everyone was dozing again, except for Ulquiorra and I. Aizen-sama, who was also awake, was pleading to Gin that he wanted to drive.

"I dunno, Aizen-taichou…" He glanced over at our leader before shifting his squinty eyed gaze back to the road. "Ya ain't very good at it and ya don't got a license…" He sped up a bit, probably trying to get there faster.

"Please?" Aizen-sama pulled out his beloved zanpaktou. In a flash, he was holding a driver's license. "I DO have one and I CAN drive!" I leaned forward and peaked at the name and stifled a giggle.

"…Aizen-taichou…yer name ain't Justin Bieber…no one's gonna believe that…" Gin smiled as he turned on the radio. A rather catchy song that used the word 'baby' too many times came up. Aizen-sama's eyes seemed to light up and he started to sing along.

Gin frowned. The man ACTUALLY frowned. I thought he didn't have the ability to, but he actually frowned. He put on a weak grin and glanced over at the singing man. "S-so ya know this song…?"

"Of course I do! Baby~ Baby~ Baby~ OHHH~! Like~ Baby, baby, baby, NOO~!" His singing woke Tousen up.

"Aizen-sama! What a justly sounding song!" Then the blind man started singing along too. I double over laughing, this was so blackmail material! But I couldn't blackmail them both…but I could still charge the other's a lot of money to watch it! Unless the bastard Ulquiorra squishes his eye and shows everyone, which I'll really hate him if he does, but this is a genius, no, PERFECT idea!

As discreetly as I could, I pulled out my cell phone and recorded the event until the song ended. The two singing men in front high fived (which was odder then you would think) before the justice loving man went back to sleep, and our leader continued pleading the silver haired man to let him drive.

Gin caved immediately. "Fine, but as long as ya promise ta never sing that again."

Aizen-sama frowned (I'm quite sure if he had less dignity, like he has any left, he would've pouted). "Fine…"

Another song came on. Our _manly_ leader grinned and pointed out that he loved this song. Ichimaru paled and frowned again. Barely a minute later, he was at it again, and I had my cell phone out and recording!

"I JUST NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE~!"

Aizen-sama really went all out on this one.

~S~

When we arrived, Aizen-sama parked the van, woke everyone up by honking for one whole minute, then we all filed out and stretched. It was a HUGE hassle to get through security, and we nearly got arrested one Nnoitra apparently hid a lot of weapons on himself. I never knew you could hide a knife THERE… Once all of our luggages, bodies, and passports were checked, we all headed up to the ship. We were all tired and ready to relax in our rooms. Since Aizen-sama had not cheapskated our rooms, we all shared with only one or two others instead of with what felt like half the army.

Alas, things don't go as we want them to, and we had to walk around the ship with our luggage for another hour before being allowed to go to our rooms.

Nnoitra and Grimmjow (along with Tesla) just snuck past security and past the doors and got to relax. Lucky delinquents. The rest of us wandered around the massive ship. The girls would look through all the stores, half the Espada went to eat some food, and the other half either went to sit in the hot tub and use the water slide, or just wander around, mentally making plans on what to do once we had full access to the fancier restaurants, better shops, mini golf, and the actual pool.

Ilforte huffed, obviously annoyed. "We have the whole freakin' ship to explore, and you want to sit here and watch the lighting change color? That's so gay, bro."

I frowned at him for a moment before turning back to the lights. "It's not gay. It's interesting. The colors are wonderful and the hallway lighting is magnificent!"

My (hopefully adopted) brother rolled his eyes. "You're no fun."

"I never said you had to hang out with me, but I'm _so happy_ that you did," I replied. He huffed again before grabbing my collar with his filthy hands and dragging me away. "NO! LET GO OF ME YOU PIECE OF TRASH!"

~S~

We were sitting at a hot and sweaty table outside. Ilforte was scanning the area with a smoothie in his hand while I sat there, sweating with water that I had already finished.

"I don't want to be out here. It's hot and sweaty and strange men keep asking me if I'm gay. Just because my hair is pink does not mean I'm gay," I huffed as I pulled off my vest. It is much too hot out to be wearing a vest. Since we were at the less busy part of the ship, I put my vest away and changed shirts right there.

Some strange people whistled. Ilforte snorted. "I bet you can't even get a single girl on this entire ship. They just like you because you have pink hair and they think you should be a porn-star."

I smirked, "Oh, silly Ilforte, it's wonderful you think others like my hair. And I wouldn't be that bad in one of those retched 'films', but I'll have to pass. You can go play with yourself soon; rooms are open in one hour."

My long haired brother scoffed. "You still can't get a single girl's number I bet."

"It's a bet. You have to give me next month's paycheck when I win," I smiled, this was going to be easy. "If I can get three girls' numbers in a row, I win."

"Deal! After you get shot down by three girls in a row, I win and you have to fork over YOUR paycheck!" Ilforte grinned. He knows I make more then him. He has a good number too, so I'm not changing it.

"Of course. It starts now." I got up and ran my hand through my hair before approaching a beautiful brunette girl. "Miss, you are like a dictionary." She raised a perfect eyebrow at me. "You add meaning to my life."

She smiled. "You're funny. I'm Elizabeth. What's your name?" I smirked back at Ilforte.

"Elizabeth, a lovely name. My name is Szayel Aporro Granz. I'm a scientist." She smiled.

"Really? I love science. I would also love to stay and chat, but my brother's waiting for me. Why don't you cal me?" She handed me a slip of pink paper with her number on it. Elizabeth waved before running off.

"You're going to owe me your paycheck."

~S~

We went to the busier part of the ship, where there would be more women for me to pick up.

There was a pretty green haired girl that was people watching by the game room. I leaned on the railing near her and smiled. "I just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list," I also winked. I tried this because everyone seems to love Grimmjow's bad boy image.

The girl glared and slapped me so hard it echoed…even though we were outside. "Pervert." She walked away quickly.

Well, there went my win. Looks like I'll have to start over. I'm still going to keep Elizabeth's number though…

A blonde walked by and smiled at me. "I love your pink hair! Are you gay? I'd love to be friends!" I smiled.

"Thank you. It's your lucky day, I am not gay. Why don't we go out for dinner tonight?" She frowned.

"Noo…" She walked away before I could say anything else.

Ilforte chuckled as he led me down the stairs. "Try asking someone that's in your league, bro."

I had one girl left. She'd either help me make it or break it. I walked up to an interesting girl with black hair that had green and purple dye in it. Her lip was pierced and her make up consisted mostly of black stuff. Her clothes were all dark, too. She was, as Ilforte would put it, 'flat', but that didn't matter to me.

"I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus," I said with a sly grin. She looked at me.

"Dude, I'm a dude, but okay." My face paled. Before anything could get too odd though, I raced off before he could slip his number in my back pocket.

Ilforte was laughing his stupid ass off. I glared at him, and was about to yell at him when a girl across the way smiled in my direction. I straightened my shirt, and walked over with a smile.

"Excuse me, Miss, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you, too." I extended my hand. "I'm Szayel Aporro Granz."

"And I'm leaving," she said with a laugh as she walked off." I frowned as Ilforte slung an arm around my shoulders.

"That was rude…" I crossed my arms and glanced over at Ilforte.

"You owe me," was all he said with his stupid grin.

_END CHAPTER_

*We actually got Pizza Hut at McDonald's. TWO IN ONE PLACE THINGY~! XD

SO Sorry I haven't been updating anything this whole summer! I just got lazy and all and yeah… I'll explain more in my update video, which will be given at the end of chapter 97 in Ichimaru Gin's Diary.

Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, alerted, and/or all that good stuff! I really appreciate it and now the vacation has finally started…! For the Espada…my school year starts in barely two weeks TT_TT

Have a great rest of the summer and all! Please review when you have the time!

~Amaterasu Ai


	9. An Elegant Dinner

**Espada Vacation  
**

Chapter 9: An Elegant Dinner 

_Quick AN: I'ma go back to using the scene changes I used in the first chapter. I enjoyed writing those, I hope you don't mind!^^_

~Ulquiorra's P.O.V.~

Later on in the day, we were allowed to go to our rooms. The room arrangements are as the following: Starrk and Lilynette are in one room. Barragan gets his own room next door. Harribel and I, along with Mai, share another room. Nnoitra, Tesla, and Grimmjow share the one across the narrow hall from us. Szayel Aporro and his brother Ilforte share the room on our other side. Zommari, Aaroniero, and Yammy all share the room down the hall that is next door to Grimmjow. Ichimaru and Tousen share another room, while Aizen-sama gets a room to himself. If I forgot anyone, that means they are trash, therefore do not deserve to be remembered. 

"I can't believe we're finally here! That trip took forever!" sighed Mai as she sat herself on the bed. The rooms here were rather small, with only a small bathroom, a window, and a bed. Two bunk beds were to be pulled down from the wall later on while we are at dinner.

"I have to agree." Tia nodded as she sat beside the fraccion and looked up at the small TV in the corner of the room. The captain was telling us of a safety drill later on today, instructing us on where we would go in case of emergency. We watched shortly before the message replayed again. "I'm glad we finally get a bit of room though. Sharing with so many others is annoying." 

I didn't say anything. I shared with Aizen-sama, so the only complaint I could give would be that he wouldn't stop complaining about various things. 

Tia and Mai talked for a while longer before laying back for a nap. The Tercera told me to wake her up before the drill. While the two women slept, I sat on the window sill, watching the waves that calmly lapped at the ship. Earlier when we first arrived, I, along with most of the Espada, watched our ship leave port. The people on land waved at us, many of us waved at them, and even more waving when we passed by another ship.

_"...will start at three o'clock. The alarm will sound, and you will go to your designated station in an orderly and calm fashion. If you do not know your station, crew members will be by the entrance to assist you."_

The message continued on, making me wonder if our neighbors across the hall were listening to this. I listened for a moment and heard shouting from across the hall. I almost smirked. I can bet you my next paycheck that they weren't listening to this.

~S IS FOR...SZAYEL, BUT ALSO FOR SULKY, WHICH IS WHAT ULQUIORRA IS, WHICH IS WHO GRIMMJOW HATES! ALSO FOR SCENE CHANGE~ 

"Achoo!" I sneezed. I bet Mai was thinking about me.

"Ya lost," smirked Nnoitra as he whipped a pillow at Tesla. The pillow hit his fraccion in the face and send him tumbling to the ground with a cry. I glared at the Quinta. We were arguing over who slept on the floor and who slept on the bed when Tesla pointed out that there were two bunk beds. Then we argued about who got the bed and who got the bunk beds. Tesla obviously took one, but Nnoitra and I both wanted the bed. You're crazy as Aizen if you think we're gonna share. So we settled this in the most epic way we could think of.

That's right; staring contest!

"As if, Jiruga," I scowled and prepared for another round. "Two out of three!"

"Yer on, Grim!" We both sat down and stared. Then stared some more. I wondered if it was against the rules to wink. So I did. 

"The hell? You lost!" Nnoitra jabbed his bony finger at my eye.

"Dude, you nearly poked me in the eye! And I did NOT lose! Rules say ya blink, ya lose! BLINK. As in TWO eyes." I pretended to think over what I just said. "Oh, wait TWO, eyes, meaning one CAN'T be nonexistent. Meaning you don't qualify for staring contests meaning you lose meaning I get the bed! HA!" Score one for the Sexta!

"Yer as stupider as ever," he retorted. "Not sure if ya notice, but we're all wearin' a Gigai. It's why we all got on this ship in the first place, Grim. AND why I got two eyes!" He lifted his eye patch to show that he really did have two eyes, not just an eye and a hole in his head. "An' winkin's just blinkin' with one eye, cheater!" He yelled. God, he's such an idiot.

"Who says?" I asked smugly.

"I do!"

"Who says you're allowed to say?" He can't win this argument. 

"Aizen!" Now he looked smug. 

"We all know he's crazy."

"We all know he's the one that put ME as QUINTA, and YOU, as SEXTA. Which means _I_ got the higher rank, which means what I say, goes, meanin' what you say, compared to me, is always wrong," he explained. I swear, if beating that smirk off his face wouldn't sink this ship, then I would've done it. 

"Well! ...Uh...Aizen's still crazy." Really? Best comeback you can think of? Stupid, Grimmjow!

"I agree on that, but the man knows who's best 'round here!" He smirked again.

"Yeah, Starrk. Well, technically Yammy, but no one gives a crap about him." I smirked.

"Well, like ya said he's crazy. _I_ should be number one."

"Yeah, but instead, you're number two, if ya know what I mean." I laughed; spoon's just talking himself into this.

Before Nnoitra could come up with a comeback (that we all know would be super lame), a beepy alarm sound went off. "Nnoitra-sama!" Tesla jumped up and ran to the door and flung it open. "Come quickly!" 

"THE SHIP'S SINKING!" We both bolted for the door, not even bothering to say jinx. "RUN FASTER DAMMIT!" yelled Nnoit' as we ran down the narrow hallway. I was just waiting for the water to start flooding in like the Titanic. Around us, people were calmly walking here and there. How could they be so calm in an emergency situation? 

"You're in front of me, shithead!" I yelled as we ran out onto the deck. On the way, we passed Ulquiorra and his roomies. Lucky bastard got to share with Harribel and Mai. "Hurry, the ship's sinking!" 

"Wait, Grimmjow-!" Mai didn't finish before I flung her over my shoulder and bolted. "GRIMMJOW!"

~OH, 'F' IS FOR FAIL WHICH GRIMMJOW IS DOING, 'U' IS FOR ULQUI'S POV*! 'N' IS FOR NNOIT AND GRIMMY'S FAIL, OUT HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA!~

"She's going to murder him," Tia said as we watched the Sexta and Quinta bolt off. Tesla ran after them, calling out "Nnoitra-sama, Nnoitra-sama!"

We watched them for a moment longer before heading to our station. When we got there, we heard a splash as the person in charge of our section explained what we would do if it were a real emergency situation. 

"What on Earth was that?" asked the guide. He peered over the railing and narrowed his eyes. The rest of us looked down and saw Grimmjow and Nnoitra sprawled out on the desk below us. It jutted out beneath our deck, so if someone for some asinine reason decided to jump from this deck, they wouldn't land in the ocean; they would land on the deck below us. 

"...Should we have tried to stop them?" asked Tia, seeming only the slightest bit concerned for the well-being of the two. Over on the other side of our deck, Tesla and Mai peered down at them, shouting.

"No, we are on vacation, as Aizen-sama said. His exact words were that we 'enjoy our time off from our duties, learn to trust one another, and be thankful to daddy,'" I said, Tia joining me for the second half. She smiled behind her scarf.

"Jinx."

"Don't," I said. I refused to do something that Grimmjow and Nnoitra did to look stupid.

Tia simply laughed.

When the crew members were done explaining, they dismissed us. We walked across the desk to where the two fraccion were standing. They were watching crew members help the two idiots. "They didn't know it was a drill, did they?" asked Tia when we stopped beside them.

"N-no," Tesla looked sheepish. "I may have startled Nnoitra-sama with my tone of voice when they alarm went off..."

"I bet if you said that to him, he'd beat your ass back to Hueco Mundo," said Ilforte as he approached us with his brother. The blond laughed as he ruffled the shorter man's hair. "What happened bro?" 

"Grimmjow and Nnoitra didn't listen to the message that was playing, so they didn't realize it was a drill. They thought the ship was really sinking, so they bolted," explained Tia.

"And grabbed me during the process," frowned Mai.

"They even pulled on life vests. At least that cushioned their fall...a bit," said Tesla sheepishly. He turned to Mai, "It was lucky that you managed to flip over Grimmjow-san's shoulder, or else you would've ended up down there with them." He laughed nervously when she shot him a look. 

"Those imbeciles; I'm surprised they managed to make a fool of themselves when our first day on this ship barely even started!" sighed Szayel as he flipped his hair. "I do hope we don't have to sit with them at dinner this evening." 

Ilforte laughed. "Bro, they're not the only ones that made a fool of themselves," he snickered when his pink haired brother got flustered. 

"I did not make a fool of myself!" the Octava exclaimed hotly.

"Because I get your paycheck next month, I'll let you say whatever you want." Ilforte smirked, causing his brother to rage even more. 

"I HATE YOU!" he screeched in reply.

"Feeling's mutual, bro. 

Tia watched this go back and forth for a bit before closing her eyes. After another moment, she said, "Would you like to go and look around, Ulquiorra?" I nodded and we walked off, leaving the Granz brothers to argue and Tesla and Mai to watch the two idiots that 'jumped off the ship'.

~**S** TO THE **C** TO THE** E** TO THE **N** TO THE **E** TO THE **CHANGE**!~ 

On our way to the bow of the ship, we ran into Lilynette. Surprisingly, Starrk wasn't with her. She was headed the same way Tia and I were, so the little Primera joined us.

"Where's Starrk?" Tia asked as we crossed the track. There were a few others at this part of the ship, looking over the ocean and running around the before mentioned track. "I thought he would be up since dinner is in a bit."

"Nah, Starrk's still snoring away." The blonde looked a bit disappointed over this. "I was bored, so I just left and explored the ship. Did you know that they have about a jillion stores? Most of 'em are closed right now, but all the stuff in the windows looked awesome!" She grinned shortly before continuing to walk in silence. "So what've you guys been doing?"

Tia glanced at me with a small smile. "We've been watching Nnoitra and Grimmjow fail." The Tercera went on to explain the events of the past hour or so.

"I thought I heard Spoony scream," she laughed as I looked over the ocean. The sun was still up, but had just started to set, slowly moving over the horizon. Lilynette and Tia continued to chat for a while longer as I looked around the area. When it started to get too windy, we headed in for dinner, meeting up with Starrk on the way there. 

"Baka-Starrk! You should've been up an hour ago! You look like a mess! This is a fancy dinner!" scolded the shorter as she reached up and slapped the Primera across the face. He scowled shortly before trudging forward to the elegant and massive dining room. "You missed the drill! Spoon-san and Blue-san jumped off the ship!" she continued chattering on to her half-listening half-yawning counterpart.

We quieted as we entered through the doors. A waiter took our names and led us to a table. There were about six sections in our part of the dining room. The massive room itself was divided into about four parts, three if you don't count ours since it was separated only by a short wall. The other two were on a lower level then us, separated by a higher wall. The people there sat near the window, getting an up close ocean view.

Already seated there at our table were Barragan, Aizen-sama, Ichimaru, and Tousen. At another table across our section was Nnoitra, Tesla, Grimmjow, Mai, Zommari, Szayel Aporro, Ilforte, Aaroniero, and Yammy.

"Welcome, my dear Espada!" crowed Aizen-sama. We all sat down as a menu was placed in front of us. "I do hope you've enjoyed your stay so far." No one really responded because he kept going without pausing. "After dinner, you will have the rest of the night off, but tomorrow afternoon, when the pool is filled and ready, I would like everyone to meet there so we can have some more fun!" 

"My name is Phillip. I will be your server while you are on this voyage with us! May I take your orders?" chirped the waiter. He was a friendly looking man, probably in his mid-thirties with a slight accent; he was probably from the Philippines.

"Of course!" Aizen-sama then had us all order after talking to the waiter for a while. As we were waiting for the door, Aizen-sama talked to Ichimaru and Tousen. Lilynette chattered on to Starrk, who just nodded and gave a short reply every once in a while. Barragan sat there with his arms crossed, muttering to himself as he people-watched. Tia and I sat silently.

Of course, the peace didn't last long, because from across the room, we heard Szayel Aporro yell, "YOU FREAK!" We looked over to see the Granz brothers arguing loudly.

"You'd like that!" yelled Ilforte. I didn't turn around, but I could tell that he was smirking. "You just wanted to get into her pants!"

"NO, YOU did!" They're nonsensical arguing continued. Tia sat there with her eyes closed, probably willing the embarrassing brothers to shut up. "God, you're just jealous because I'm perfect!"

"If you're what perfect is, then I hope I'm the most un-perfect person in the world!" the blond yelled.

"Bitch!" 

"Is what you are!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Make me!" People were starting to stare.

"I'm a higher rank!"

"I'm older!" Ilforte sat back with a triumphant grin when the Octava couldn't come up with a reply. "Who's perfect now, Szay?" He sighed dramatically, "Besides, you can't possibly be perfect. Everyone knows that my hair is freakin' awesome."

"As if," scoffed Szayel as he flipped his own pink hair. "Your hair is much too feminine with it's length."

"Says the one with PINK hair, bro."

This started another fight. As they went back and forth, insulting each other with so many terms that just sound random to me, the waiter came back with our food.

"Let us enjoy this fine feast on our first night on this ship!" Aizen-sama said as he lifted his glass. We all lifted ours in a dull agreement. When our leader sat back down, I saw him throw a roll at Szayel Aporro, hitting his head and causing the Octava's glasses to fall into his soup. I assumed that Aizan-sama was trying to be discreet, but he sort of failed.

"ILFORTE, you son of a bitch!" screeched the younger Granz. He slapped his brother then proceeded to grope around the table to try to get his glasses back. "You are such an IDIOT! No wonder you don't have a girlfriend," he scowled as he wiped the soup off his glasses before putting them back on.

"Like you do?"

"In a matter of fact, I do," the pink haired Espada looked triumphant that his brother lost this round.

"Your fraccion don't count."

"Shut up."

"Liar."

"Bitch."

"Pansy."

"Sissy."

"You're just jealous of my hair."

This, of course, brought on another fight. Our table ate in silence. Eventually, as we were finishing up the main course, two stormed over here and confronted Tia.

"HARRIBEL." The two shouted, but backed down when the Tercera gave them an icy look. "Who's hotter between the two of us?" asked Grimmjow's fraccion as he smirked at his brother.

"What a crude way to put it. Tia-"

"I never gave you permission to call me by my first name," she cut in as she finished her meal. The pink haired man looked a bit embarrassed, but he quickly shook it off.

"...Harribel...what my stupid bullshit of a brother meant to say was, who, between the two of us, would you rather go out with if the world depended on it." Szayel pushed his glasses up, flipping off his brother as he did so. I sat there and watched them out of the corner of my eye as I drank my water. Those two were idiots. If we weren't in gigai right now, I'm sure Tia would've cero'ed them already.

"Why would the world depend on something as stupid at that?" she asked with a glare at the two. 

"...Just a what if, Harribel. You see, I had to dumb it down for my brother here, who isn't as refined at the two of us." He nudged the blonde lightly. 

"I would rather have the world end then go out with either of you," she replied after a moment of so-called thought.

The two stared down at her for a shocked moment. Then they stared at each other in bewilderment. Ilforte eventually just crossed his arms and pffted. Szayel put a hand on his hip and said, "What ever happened to sacrafice, Harribel?" He rolled his eyes, probably preparing to give a speech.

Tia stood up. She may have been shorter then the Octava, but her aura (and her boots) made her seem taller then Szayel. He seemed composed, but I could see that he was intimidated by the Tercera. "Don't you dare try to tell me about sacrifice. I've made sacrifices that you will never understand." She glared at the pink haired man. I sat there and watched curiously. Aizen-sama seemed to be ignoring them, even though Tousen looks like he is trying to bring up the 'unjustly argument going on behind you'. 

"Oh, really now?" Szayel pushed his glasses up, seemingly unfazed to the untrained eye. "Like what?" I'm sure he was thinking that he would understand, since he DID see himself as the perfect being.

The Tercera narrowed her eyes. "You're about to become one right now if you don't shut up and go back to your table."

Stupidly, the Octava just crossed his arms and smirked. "I don't believe you."

~CAMBIOS EN LA ESCENA~

"Ulquiorra, while you were in the bathroom, I have ordered your dessert for you," Aizen-sama gestured at the chocolate in front of me. There was vanilla ice cream on the side. Apparently, the chocolate was a brownie with melted fudge on the inside. I don't know why Aizen-sama would think that I would want this, but I thought I might as well try it.

"What took you so long?" asked Lilynette as she reached over Starrk's plate to grab a piece of chocolate from mine. I let her take the chocolate without complaint.

"Tia asked if I could...stand guard," I replied as I scooped up a small spoonful of the dessert. Surprisingly, it tasted good.

"What'd she do?" asked Starrk with a lazy glance. He seemed amused when the Tercera grabbed Szayel by the collar and dragged him out. I shrugged. I honestly didn't know. Tia simply gestured that I should follow. When I caught up to her outside, we went up to the main desk, where she told me to stand guard. The blonde instructed that when I returned, I would tell Aizen-sama I was in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tell the others the same thing, but I knew Starrk wouldn't do anything to get the Tercera in trouble. 

As we all ate our desserts, the man who was in charge of this dining room (there were a couple on the ship) told us a bit about the waiters. Apparently, they all came from around the world and were going to perform for us every night during our voyage during dessert.

"Hey," Tia returned to her seat, her hair dripping a bit of water onto her clothes and seat. "Did I miss anything?" I shook my head.

"...Why are you wet?" Starrk asked with an amused smile. 

She didn't have time to respond, because the waiters were filing into the spaces between the tables and started dancing to some trashy American song that had come on. Grimmjow and Nnoitra must have known the song, because they, along with a few others from our section, had gotten up and started dancing with the waiters.

_Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans (Jeans)  
_

_Boots with the fur (With the fur)_

_The whole club was lookin' at her  
_

_She hit the flo' (She hit the flo')  
_

_Next thing you know_

_Shawty got low low low low low low low low..._

"YEAH!" The Sexta and Quinta continued dancing as Lilynette laughed at them. It was a rather amusing sight. A few members of the Espada had pulled out their phones and cameras to record the event. 

"Get up and dance!" Aizen-sama yelled over the music. Gin had already gotten up and done so, clearly enjoying himself as he embarrassed all of us. Tousen stayed seated. Lilynette had dragged Starrk out onto the floor and they were currently 'dancing', if you could call Lilynette dragging her counterpart around dancing. Barragan, Tia and I stayed seated. I didn't even bother to looked at the embarrassment that was Nnoitra Jiruga and Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. While we finished up our desserts, the song finished, and everyone seated themselves. Phillip came by once again to check up on everyone and gather our plates before we left.

There were still a few rays of light left when we reached the main deck. Tia said she would be off with Starrk and Lilynette for the rest of the night, so that left me alone...until Grimmjow and his roommates, along with Mai, trotted up to me.

"Sup, emospada?" greeted Nnoitra as I continued walking. They followed, probably bored or wanting to bother someone. When I didn't respond, the spoon-hooded Espada

poked my cheek. "Cat got your tongue?" he asked lewdly. He cackled when Grimmjow whacked his head and yelled at him for making it sound wrong.

"Oi, Ulquiorra!" I ducked as Grimmjow threw a punch aimed at my head. He's done this many times before and you eventually get used to it and duck before it touches you.

"We all know that won't work, Grimmjow," I sighed in annoyance as I stopped by the ship's railing. Dark waves fell against the ship as we cut through the water. "What are you trash doing here anyways?"

I leaned to the side as Nnoitra's fist flew past where my head would've been. Grimmjow's stupid game of head tag was extremely irritating, but so far, even though I wasn't doing this willingly, I was winning.

"How the hell do you do that?" he asked as he tried again. I sighed as I ducked and walked to the other side of the area.

"Will you trash please stop that?" I asked as Tesla and Mai perched themselves on the railing.

"Why should we?" asked Grimmjow as he swung another punch, and missed. "OW!" Grimmjow glared when my fist connected with his forehead. "Son of a bitch!"

"Ha! Ya lost to Emospada again!" cackled Nnoitra as he swung his own punch at the Sexta. Grimmjow successfully dodged this time. The two started going at it again. Both of them would get a hit now and then and cheer, then they would curse when they missed or got hit.

Ignoring the trash, I walked along the railing until I got to where Tesla and Mai were sitting. "Are you ready to go back?" I asked my fraccion as Tesla hopped down from his seat. She nodded.

"Yeah, let me just get Grimmjow first." She smiled as the jumped down. I don't know why she wouldn't want to leave them here all night, but I waited as she called him. "Oi, Grimmjow, it's getting late. Let's go."

No response. The Sexta continued his stupid game with the Quinta. The two were getting rather noisy with their shouts and cursing.

Mai growled as she walked over to them. "Oi, it's getting late, let's go!" She punched them both in the back of the head, bringing them down to her height level. The two stood there, dumbfounded for a second as they just realized that a girl had beaten them both. "Are you just going to stand there and freeze tonight, or are you going to go inside, shut up, and go to bed?"

Again, no response. I don't know when she started speaking like that to people above her, but I let it slide, considering it was Nnoitra and Grimmjow.

A swinging punch from Grimmjow. Mai dodged, only to get slapped by Nnoitra. Another dodge, a punch, a miss, and before I knew it, it turned into a three person fight.

"You son of a bitch!" Grimmjow swore as Nnoitra tackled him onto the deck and proceeded to knee him in his privates.

"Grimmjow, get your bitch to get off of me!" Nnoitra yelled as Mai jumped him and elbowed him in the neck, creating a screaming and violent pile.

"ARRG! I swear-!" Mai was cut off as she was flipped and the pile turned into a rolling ball of combat.

"..." I stood there silently and watched them fight. From the looks of it, Nnoitra was beating the other two quite severely and was cackling madly when he pinned the two blue haired Arrancar to the railing of the ship.

"...Should we do something about this?" asked a visibly shaken Tesla as he took a step forward.

I sighed. "Do what you wish. I won't get involved in such trashy affairs." With that, I walked off toward my room. As I was passing the ping-pong table on the other side of the ship, I heard a moaning sound coming from over the railing. Out of curiosity, I walked over to it and looked down to see none other then the Octava himself.

"..." I ripped the duck tape off his month, to which he emitted a yelping sound. "Szayel Aporro? What are you doing there?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he moaned as he looked down. He paled when he saw that he was duck taped to the side of the ship.

"..." I assumed that I was supposed to help him. So I started to rip off pieces of duck tape, each piece being torn off making the Octava yelp as he was let loose. Before I ripped the last piece off, I reached down at let him grab onto my arm. He pulled it off himself before being lifted up over the railing. I tossed him to the floor when his grip started becoming irritating and a bit awkward. "Why is your clothing torn up?" I asked when the Octava rolled over with a groan. His glasses must have fallen off into the ocean, because they were missing. On his forehead, written in black sharpie, were the words "#1 Idiot". I decided not to point this out to him.

"Shit..." I heard him mutter under his breath. He sighed as he sat up. "Don't...ever...piss Harribel off."

I stayed quiet. I already knew that.

"Er...Ulquiorra, would you mind..." He trailed off when I looked down at him. "...helping me back to my room? I can't see anything without my gasses on." 

Automatically, I wanted to say no, but I had something better in mind. Instead, I led him back to where I was a few minutes ago. I found the trio still fighting, but now Tesla was wailing and asking them to stop. Mai had started to give up and was now slumped again at the wall, panting as she caught her breath.

"Help Szayel Aporro back to his room," I simply instructed before walking off.

"WHAT?" The Octava screeched as Nnoitra and Grimmjow turned to him. Mai got up and trotted over to my side.

"...What happened?" she asked.

I looked over to my blue haired fraccion and explained. "I found Szayel Aporro duck taped to the side of the ship." Mai let out a laugh at this. "He requested that I helped him back to his room, but I knew that that would be very troublesome, so I decided to give him to the pile of trash over there." Mai raised an eyebrow at me. "I figured that if they were all going to act like idiots, then they would all have consequences. Nnoitra and Grimmjow would have to deal with Szayel's whining, and Szayel will have to deal with the other two's violence." 

"Is that really the reason you did that? To punish them?" she asked as we descended the stairs to our room. I almost smirked. 

"Yes...and a bit for my own amusement." We walked in silence for a few moments before Mai spoke up again. 

"Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Yes?" 

She gave a smile, "You're such a troll." 

_END CHAPTER_

* Pronounce it as an actual word. Not P-O-V, but literally "pov" XD.

WHAAAT? She's actually UPDATING? Be still my pounding heart! 

Yes, it's true, I've actually decided to sit down and think. Oh, the whole head-tag-punch thing near the end is random. I started writing, didn't know where the fudge I was going with it, and that's how it turned out. I hope you enjoy that bit of randomness.

The song at dinner with the waiters really did happen. It. Was. Awesome.

Long chapter is long. 

You should review.

Why?

Because...it's my birthday =D Yes, I really would play that card. But, hey, it really, really is my birthday. My parents put a bow on a sandwich in the fridge for me this morning XD Happy 15th to me~

~Amaterasu Ai


	10. To the Bahamas! Part 1 On the Way!

**Espada Vacation**

Chapter 10: To the Bahamas! Part 1-On the Way

_Quick AN: To the Bahamas! will have three parts. Yeah...I don't know why I had to tell you this. Oh, and to __Silver Dragon__: the cruise line was Carnival. The ship I went on was called Carnival Sensation. _

~Szayel's POV~

When I had stumbled back into the room last night, I found my stupid, un-perfect, son of a mother brother sprawled out on MY bed, drooling on MY good pillow. I was suppose to have the bed! And after getting duct tapped to the side of the ship, I was not going to just crawl up into that bunk bed and go to sleep! You know why? Because I am a higher rank. Because I am perfect. And because I am perfect and hold a position among the Espada, I don't have to give a reason. Because I can!

...Also because that bed was smaller, and if I sat up, I would hit my head against the damn ceiling. The bed just overall looked uncomfortable.

"Ilforte, you bastard, get up this instant!" I yelled at him while throwing his stupid lumpy pillow at him. The blond groaned before propping himself up on his elbows groggily.

"The hell, Szay? I was just sleeping," he half heartedly shot a glare.

"I know you were just sleeping! On MY bed, at that. So please be a brother dear and get off." Like any smart person, I wasn't surprised when he didn't listen.

"Why should I listen to you?" he questioned before laying back down. "I'm older, so I don't gotta listen to you," he mumbled into my good pillow.

"For one, I am a higher rank, AND I'm smarter then you." Grimmjow's stupid fraccion ignored me. "Listen to me, dammit!" It was a miracle I didn't kill his face yet. After a solid minute of standing there, raging silently and forging revenge that would've shamed him into jumping into the ocean with the anchor tied around his neck, Ilforte turned over with a happy little smile on his sleeping face...while drooling on my before mentioned good pillow.

"Dammit, Ilforte, stop drooling on my good pillow!" I yelled while chucking the case for my spare glasses at his head. He groaned before tiredly giving me the finger.

"Chill, Szay, just go to sleep," he yawned before flipping himself over onto his stomach, giving me a view of his imperfect ass in the process.

"I will not chi-oh, God, are you sleeping in my boxers? Dammit, now I have to burn those!" I scowled. I like that certain pair too! Nnoitra thought it would've been funny to get me underwear where the words 'FOR RENT' were printed on the back for my birthday. A laundry accident, caused by Gin, which meant it probably wasn't an accident, messed then up, and oddly enough, there were pink splotches here and there, with one in the back that sort of resembled a pair of lips. I myself found it rather funny, and it was comfortable, so I didn't think it was necessary to rid myself of them.

In response, my hopefully adopted from a family of idiots brother smirked before resuming to drool on my pillow.

~Lol Szay's pretty angry, and Forte's using his weird underwear for only Aizen knows why~

When I woke up in the morning, I was greeted by my good pillow. Usually, that would be a good thing, except for the fact that it had still slightly wet drool on it, courtesy of Ilforte.

It was bad enough that I was forced to sleep on that damn bunk bed, but waking up to seeing a happy Ilforte, strutting around in MY boxers, was just asking me to shove him into the ocean. With a bloody steak glued to his ass.

"Rise and shine, bro!" he called energetically from the window. "Grimmjow just came by a few minutes ago and said we're gonna arrive at the Bahamas around noon!" he grinned to himself as he rummage through his suitcase, pulling out his clothes for the day.

"Be a dear and go suffocate yourself with your own dirty socks," I replied before sitting up. My dickhead of a brother only laughed when my head made contact with the ceiling.

"Karma, bro!" he laughed before walking to the bathroom, pulling on his shirt as he went.

"Whatever," I mumbled as I rubbed my head. Ass. I slid/jumped down and put on my glasses before frowning. "Ilforte, you better dry clean those before returning them," I said when he reappeared, toothbrush in one hand, my Ilforte stained underwear in the other. After Gin had ruined my favorite lab coat, I did my own laundry in my lab. If that couldn't be done, dry cleaning was the only option.

He responded by flipping me off before throwing the undergarment, which, of course, landed on my head.

"GAH!" I stumbled around, managing to get my sleeve caught on the door handle while I tried, in vain, to get the now disgusting article of clothing away from my face. "Fu-!" the door was pushed open, slamming me into the wall with a loud thud. It got the offending piece of clothing off my face at least.

"Hey," Ilforte lifted his hand for a short wave before Tesla and Mai stepped into view from my crumbled state on the floor. The door swung back into place, taking a piece of my sleeve with it.

"Aizen-sama wants us all to come down to breakfast together," Mai informed us. "He wants us all to meet him at the end of the hallway in ten minutes." Ilforte nodded with a smile before asking her what she planned to do once we got off the ship.

"Szayel-san, why are you on the floor?" Tesla asked, turning to me after he lost interesting in their conversation.

"It seems gravity likes me a bit too much," I responded dryly before pushing myself up off the ground. I didn't bother to wait for the fraccion's response before grabbing my clothes and heading to go change in the bathroom.

~Le scene-o el change-o~

Luckily, Tesla warned me of the words that bitch Harribel wrote on my forehead before I actually left the room.

The place where breakfast was wasn't nearly as sophisticated as the dining room. It was basically a really big cafeteria. A few of the others who didn't want to explore the ship sat in here yesterday while I was out there losing my paycheck. According to Ulquiorra, the line for the food was longer earlier. Considering the fact that most of us woke up half an hour after Aizen wanted us to meet, we were part of the later crowd, meaning the lines were nearly nonexistent. An argument with Ilforte, an apple to the head, and a near wedgie from Nnoitra later, I had my pancakes and seated myself outside near the spot where Grimmjow and Nnoitra flung themselves "off the ship" yesterday afternoon. I was planning to eat by myself when Ilforte sauntered over with his own tray, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Tesla, Ulquiorra, and Mai following. Though I had chosen a small table, the fraccion all pulled another table over so that everyone could be seated together.

"Hey, bro, you look like a loser out here by your lonesome self, so we're gonna join you," Ilforte smirked as he sat down to my right. Nnoitra sat next to him with a smirk.

"Don't look so down Szayel, now ya at least LOOK like ya got friends," he cackled before shoving a spoonful (how ironic) of colorful cereal into his mouth.

Tesla seated himself across from his master, Grimmjow sat across from his fraccion, Mai sat herself across from me, and Ulquiorra took his seat at the head of the table, between myself and his fraccion. We all ate in silence for a minute or so before Grimmjow flung a spoonful of his sugary cereal at me. I grabbed my brother by his collar and pulled him in front of me, a human shield if you will.

"Damn you!" when I let go, he slapped my head.

"Don't even know why you bothered, Granz," Grimmjow snorted before chugging his chocolate milk. Ilforte continued with his string of curses, ignoring Tesla who was telling him to please stop because a lady (I'm assuming he meant Mai) was present. "You're so short it would've gone right over your head," he laughed before biting into his doughnut.

Ilforte continued with his gentlemanly cursing. It seems that a combination of milk and cereal got in his eye. Nnoitra helped by cackling the whole time.

I pushed up my glasses, "Height would have nothing to do with it. If it went over my head, it would've meant that you have suckish aim, because I am the same height as you are," I stated before finishing off my pancakes.

Once my stupid brother finished being oh-so-gentlemanly, he gave me a disbelieving look. Either that or a depressed/constipated look. It was hard to tell because his eye was a little red from rubbing in the milk and cereal.

"You are not! That would mean you're the same height as me," he said before shoving a piece of waffle into his mouth.

"I am, actually," I pushed my plate forward. A crew member came by and collected it quietly, almost unnoticed by our group. "Six foot one, just like you, Grimmjow, and Ichimaru," I said. Being the only professional doctor figure in Las Noches meant that I did the checkups, physicals, and surgeries whenever needed. Whatever medical information you need about ANYONE among the Espada, including their fraccion and Aizen, Gin, and Tousen, I'm your guy.

"Dang," Grimmjow shoved more cereal into his mouth as if to finish his thought.

"Compared to me, yer all short," Nnoitra gloated as he reached over and took a piece of Ilforte's waffle. The Quinta towered over us at seven feet.

Grimmjow scoffed. Ilforte smirked behind his cup of apple juice. Tesla smiled as if he were proud of his master's height. Mai stayed silent. I rolled my eyes. There was no beating Nnoitra when it came to height (unless you're Yammy). Interestingly enough, Ulquiorra stayed quiet. It was well known that he wasn't a talkative person, but I noticed that his quietness had a different air to it this time.

"Why so serious, Ulquiorra?" I asked, just slightly sounding like the Joker. "Vacation is meant for relaxing and having fun. While it is a well known fact that you don't do much that can be categorized as fun-"

"He's probably staying quiet 'cause he's the shortest Espada," Grimmjow smirked after shoveling the last of his cereal into his mouth. He looked like a deranged chipmunk. Though barely detectable, I managed to catch the fourth's reaction. If you looked closely enough, you can just see that he pursed his lips slightly. I chuckled inwardly at this.

Mysteriously, I was in a rather good mood. I sighed with a little smile, deciding to help out the Cuatro against the annoying Sexta.

"Actually, Ulquiorra is the second shortest Espada," I adjusted my glasses that did not need adjusting. Force of habit I guess. "Barragan is, if you don't count Lilinette."

"Nuh-uh!" the Quinta said disbelievingly. Why was it that no one believed me when it came to these things?

"Ulquiorra stands at five foot six," I explained, ignoring his "and a half". "Segunda-san over there is five foot five." By the looks on their faces, I was willing to bet my paycheck (only problem was that I already lost it to Ilforte) that they were expecting me to say Harribel was the shortest.

"Huh..." Grimmjow grinned after a moment. "Ha, you're shorter then Harribel!"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes calmly. I'm sure if his aspect of death wasn't nihilism, he would've groaned, and then punch the Sexta in the face.

~Noon~

The ship was to arrive at the Bahamas in two hours, so after breakfast, Aizen made us attend a short meeting that was held in the hot tubs. They were small, but we managed to get two that were next to each other cleared. All we had to do was let Nnoitra and Grimmjow loose and they were empty within two minutes. I guess they got to terrorize children after all.

After we were dismissed (you have no idea how many strange looks we got; apparently people have never seen a hot tub meeting), most of us hit the pool or water slides. I myself decided to lounge by the pool. Lilinette had dragged the Primera towards the water slides instead of letting him sleep by the poolside. Zommari, Nnoitra, Tesla, and Yammy joined the two. You could hear their screams and yelling from this part of the boat.

Barragan and Aaroniero stayed in the hot tubs with Tousen and Aizen. Everyone else was either by the poolside or in the pool itself.

"Hello again, Harribel," I smiled charmingly, but it quickly faded when an icy glare was given as a response. Okay, so maybe I should avoid the third for the rest of the summer. Or hit her over the head with a frying pan and hope for the best.

"Get away from me, Octava," she said before turning and applying sun block.

Before she could freeze my ass off, I scooted over about five chairs. Of course, I bumped into Ilforte. He smirked after shoving me onto the deck.

"Burn!" the blond laughed, "She, along with every other woman in the universe, will never love you." I scowled as I pulled myself off that filthy deck.

"Forte, be a dear and do a favor for me?" I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck before plopping myself down onto the chair next to my hopefully adopted from a family of retards and devils brother.

"Whatever you need, Szay-chan," he replied with fake sincerity. He smirked as he tied his stupid, sissy blond hair into a ponytail.

I sighed wistfully. "Please go and throw yourself into the ocean, brother dear," I laid my hand over my forehead. "Please! Do it for me, dearest brother!" I let my voice hitch at the end, pausing dramatically. When I was done, I glanced over at him from the corner of my eye with a smirk of my own.

Surprisingly, he responded with his own little performance. "Anything for you, dear Szayel! But the only favor I ask, before I do so..." He had his hands clasped against his chest at this point, fake tears were shining in his eyes. His hair, oddly enough, fell around his shoulders dramatically, his hair tie having disappeared mysteriously. Ilforte rested a hand on my shoulder gently. "...you first," suddenly, the fake tears disappeared and he was tying his hair up again.

"Bravo, brother," I said mockingly before pulling my glasses off. "But woe to you, my performance was much better."

Someone scoffed. We both looked up to see Grimmjow standing here with his arms crossed. "Whatever you two are doing, it looks gay." He grinned when I glared at him and Ilforte smirked. "But Ilforte's was better."

"Thanks, man," he stuck his tongue out at me before catching the bottle of sunblock that I chucked at his face. Damn. I needed that.

I sighed, "What do you want, Grimmjow?" The Sexta wasn't exactly my to-go person and I didn't really want to hang out with him. Any friend of Ilforte's was a retard.

"Just need some sunscreen." His fraccion threw the bottle at him once he was done. "And I was wondering if you guys've seen Mai anywhere." He squeezed the bottle and proceeded to rub the substance on his arms.

"I haven't seen her since breakfast, bro," Ilforte got up and followed the Sexta over to the pool. I sighed before deciding to follow them. Hey, what else was I supposed to do? Wait for Harribel to shove me into the sea?

"Whoever can make a bigger splash wins!" declared Grimmjow as he got a running start. With a leap, he gracefully launched himself into the air before pulling himself into a ball and making a splash (literally). The very well executed cannonball caused a few children (along with one rather sissy man) to squeal and swim out of the way.

While I may not really like the Sexta, I must give his cannonball a ten, along with style points and credit for the big splash that soaked Harribel.

Ilforte smirked and backed up a few feet before running forward. He leaped up, did a rather impressive flip, and landed in a half upside down cannonball. Ulquiorra watched curiously from the other side of the pool. Grimmjow had to move out of the way or he would've been landed on. Because I hate my brother, he gets a zero.

When they surfaced, they both came up coughing and sputtering. A few mothers shot them an angry glare when their string of curses started, causing a few children to giggle and copy them.

"GAH!" they both swam over to the edge and shut their eyes tight as if they were in pain. "What the hell?!"

Ilforte was able to stop rubbing his eye for a moment to explain. "This is salt water!" When the sting died down, he scowled. "Who the fuck does that? Salt water in a pool? That's retarded!" He got an angry glare when a little girl giggled and repeated what he said. "Christ, that stung like shit," Ilforte mumbled. Grimmjow nodded in agreement.

"Sucks for you," I smirked. "Meanwhile, I didn't do anything so impulsive, therefore I didn't get salt in my eye." I lifted my hand to push up my glasses, only to realize I wasn't wearing them. "And there's a good chance that I won't get kidnapped by an angry mob of parents in my sleep. You two, on the other hand, should sleep with one eye open tonight."

"Impulsive?" The blue haired Sexta laughed, "Like how you pissed off Harribel last night?" He laughed when I ignored him.

"Seriously, it's jumping into a pool, bro! You don't think about it!" Ilforte turned around so he was floating on his back.

"Yeah!" Grimmjow chimed in, "Pools usually don't have salt water in them!" I simply laughed at them, one for the pain, two for their slightly red and watery eyes. "Damn, salt in the eye really hurts!"

I laughed again, "Well, while you two splash around, I'm going to go check out the water slides. Nnoitra texted me earlier and apparently, the smaller slides give you quite a wedgie."

They both laughed, but stopped and cursed when they hit the water with their hands (or in Ilforte's case, laughed so hard he started sinking), causing the salt to spring into their eyes again. I laughed even harder at this.

Their response was grabbing me by the ankle and flinging me into the pool.

"Shit, that stings!"

~Soo...After They Get The Salt Out Of Their Eyes...Lol, Anyone Else Catch The Slight IGD Reference...?~

"Why didn't we just go back to our rooms?" asked Ilforte after we rinsed the salt out of our eyes.

"Because it's probably getting cleaned, and considering the slob that you are, that might take a couple of hours," I replied before leading everyone to the water slides. Grimmjow had decided to come with us to the other side of the ship ("...not because you two are going and I don't wanna be alone, no way...because Nnoit's there and I wanna see Szayel get a wedgie."). Ulquiorra decided to follow us out of boredom or curiosity. I didn't mind; the fourth wasn't really a bother to me.

Upon arriving, we saw quite an amusing sight. There were two blue water slides that were placed next to each other. They were half the length of the winding yellow and blue one that was closer to where we were standing. At the top of the shorter slides, Starrk and Lilinette were positioned, ready to let go of the bar and slide to the bottom. The crew member at the top gave them a signal, and they both let go. Starrk must've been half asleep, because once he started going down, the Primera looked absolutely bewildered. Lilinette, on the other hand, squealed and laughed the whole way down. Once she reached the bottom, she jumped up and cheered.

"Yay! I beat you, Starrk!" She laughed when he stood up and mumbled something, probably about the wedgie he got.

"Dude! I am so racing you down!" Ilforte and Grimmjow grinned and ran over to the stairs, narrowly avoiding the crew member that was yelling at children to stop running or else they'd slip and get hurt. Ulquiorra was left standing behind me, observing the scene curiously. I stood there for a moment with my arms crossed. This was more like a children's area. For every one person that was over sixteen, there were probably five children for them. Grimmjow and Ilforte, not so surprisingly, just barely fit in with their childish grins and antics. 

"What're you two standin' there for?" asked Nnoitra as he came up to us. He had on a black speedo with the words "Menos Grande"* printed across his front. I laughed inwardly at this.

"This place looks childish," observed Ulquiorra as he followed us over to a small table. I set down my stuff before turning to the Quinta.

"So how's it been so far?" I asked. "We could hear you from the pool area." I'm sure the mobs of angry mothers would violently berate him if they had heard half of the things that he said.

"Eh, fine," he jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the big slide. "That slide's a pansy. It goes way too slow," he scoffed. Now that I was over by the railing, I could see that a small portion of it jutted over the ocean. It would suck if it were to break when someone was going down. "I think you'd like it though," he grinned, "You too, Ulquiorra." The green eyed Espada nodded, absent minded, he was was watching Grimmjow and Ilforte, who were positioned at the top of the blue slides. We all looked over just in time to see them slide down, screaming energetically at each other, all the while scaring children when they reached the bottom.

"YEAH!" They both yelled. While Grimmjow had reached the bottom first, he had gotten a bigger wedgie, so Ilforte saw this as a victory for himself. Idiot. The two laughed and got up, high fiving before trotting over to us. "That was awesome, bro! You guys GOTTA try it!" The blond sounded very enthusiastic about it. Nnoitra and Grimmjow went off to race each other, dragging off the fourth telling him that he faced the winner. I had to laugh at this. Ulquiorra looked horrified at the thought, yet he managed to seem stoic at the same time.

We watched as they led/dragged the reluctant Cuatro to the bigger slide first. They shoved him through, and I swore if he wasn't so emo, he would've been screaming the whole way down. A bunch of seconds later, he appeared at the bottom, calm, not a facial expression in sight. He got up and before he could make a run/quickly paced walk for it, the two grabbed him again and dragged him up the stairs to the blue slides. The whole time this happened, Ilforte sounded like he was choking because he was holding back his laugh.

"Shut up," I said as we headed up to the blue slides ourselves. "Now come, brother, I am going to beat your ass down that slide."

"As if." He scoffed and flipped his tied up hair. He looked absolutely ridiculous, but I'm sure if this was an anime, he would've been surrounded by sparkles. Those girls over there (who I'm sure had terrible eyesight) giggled to themselves when he glanced over at them. Dickhead.

We reached the top, which was clear of children. I'm assuming this was Grimmjow and Nnoitra's fault. As the two headed down, they both laid down, which surprised me. I didn't think they were smart enough to know that lying down would reduce their air resistance, therefor causing them to go faster. In the end, Nnoitra won. That wasn't much of a surprise. He was heavier then the Sexta and had a slight advantage with his longer legs. Nnoitra proceeded to give the lower ranking Espada a noogie as they raced up again. I sighed as I sat down, preparing to shame Ilforte in the art of water sliding.

"Prepare to be shamed so much that you'll throw yourself into the ocean, brother dear," I smiled before pulling my own hair into a ponytail. Some little kid pointed and laughed from the bottom, causing me to scowl. Because I am better then my brother, I didn't flip the child off and threaten to dissect him where he stood.

"I'm already shamed enough by the fact that we're related," he smiled back before turning to wink at the life guard that stood on the platform between the other slide and these ones. She blushed before smiling back. I scowled. Damn him. "And that you had the nerve to put your hair up. God, you look like a pansy."

"Right back at you, brother dear." The crew member said 'go' and we pushed ourselves down. I flattened myself and sadly, my brother caught on and did the same. We yelled and cursed each other during the short slide down, but sadly, it ended in a tie.

"You cheated," he said simply when we both got up.

"As if, Ilforte!" I scowled when he reached over and smacked my head. I walked away and proceeded to get rid of my wedgie. Why didn't he have one? Stupid brother.

"...Are you scratching your ass?" He laughed when I shot a glare at him. "Who's the gentlemanly one now?"

"I have a wedgie, fool!" He only laughed harder. I turned away from the buffoon to watch Ulquiorra and Nnoitra face off. This ought to be interesting. The fourth paled, if it was possible, as Nnoitra dragged him onto the platform. After a struggle, the two managed to force the shorter of the three to sit down. He seemed horrified at the sight of the slide, considering it was faster than the slide he just went on.

Upon getting the signal, Grimmjow pushed the Ulquiorra down with a harsh shove. Limbs flailing, head thrown back, the Cuarto somehow beat Nnoitra to the bottom, despite the Quinta's advantages. I'm quite sure that he was making strangled, pained, I'm-having-difficulty-with-idiots sounds by the way his face was oh-so-slightly scrunched up. When he had reached the bottom, he had stood up, visibly shaken to the very trained and un-naked eye. As he walked over to our table, I noticed he moved a bit awkwardly. The whole time, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were laughing and shoving each other as they followed him.

"Why so distressed, Ulquiorra?" I asked with a slight Joker smile. He was not amused, as I could tell from the slight glare he gave.

"My shorts..." he mumbled. Poor Ulquiorra, he's never been given a wedgie. Actually, he's never been through much pain has he? Damn high speed regeneration.

I chuckled while Ilforte turned away. He was laughing so hard, he was silent, crying, and couldn't breathe at the same time. He was being smart for once in his life by turning away. If he didn't, I'm sure Ulquiorra would've cero'ed him to death. "Oh, Ulquiorra-kun..." I held my hands defensively when he shot another glare. Okay, so he doesn't like being called that**.

"I-I can't believe that-!" Ilforte sat down because he was laughing so hard. He held his sides before continuing, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "T-that, Mister Cuatro Espada-(insert insane laughing here)- Ulquiorra Cifer...has a WEDGIE!" he bursted into another fit of howling laughter, causing said Cuatro Espada to purse his lips ever so slightly. I was rather amused by the inane sight.

"Well believe it, brother," I say, imitating his voice as I smirked. "Now why don't we go down the slides again? I'm sure I'll beat you so badly, you'll be shamed into jumping into the ocean, _brother dear_."

Insert the mad scientist grin right here my friends, because Ilforte Granz will always remember the day where I pummel his ass down that slide! The day where his wedgie is so bad, he'll need it surgically removed! The day where he comes crawling to me, forced to ask me to remove it for him! (Seriously, I'm the only surgeon in Las Noches.) And when I reject him, he'll be shamed into throwing himself into the ocean! Yes! Today, is the day where Ilforte will finally fall!

I grinned and laughed darkly, earning some strange looks from the others.

"What the hell are you laughing about, Granz?" asked Nnoitra as we all headed up the the slides again.

"Oh, nothing," I grinned before positioning myself the top of the slide. "Nothing at all."

"Stop actin' weird and let's go, bro!" Ilforte grinned when Nnoitra and Grimmjow cheered and started chanting his name. Assholes.

"Of course." I smiled and tightened my hair tie. "Let's go, _brother dear_."

_END CHAPTER_

_*…I got that from deviant art somewhere…I don't remember who drew it, but it was Aizen with the 'Menos Grande' speedo thing. _

_**Not Be, But Be reference! (Ulquiorra's past comic strip that Kubo drew reference)_

_Yeah...I don't know why I added that bit of madness at the end. Szayel's aspect of death IS madness y'know?_

_Well...school starts in less than a week... I shall keep this updated, hopefully at least once a month! ...Don't be surprised if I disappear until Thanksgiving or Christmas though...it's my freshman year and I'm sorta nervous, ha..._

_Please review! They make me happy and will help calm my nerves, even if it's just a bit! _

_Yeah...happy summer and happy school days everyone...wish you all best of luck this year..._

_~Amaterasu Ai_


	11. To the Bahamas! FillerishChapter! Towels

**Espada Vacation**

Chapter 11: To the Bahamas! Part 1.5 Towels

Quick AN: This is sort of a filler chapter...sort of...but I had to add it because these things are awesome! XD There will be a Towels Part 2 though. You'll see why when the time comes XD

~Ulquiorra's POV~

The result of Szayel Aporro and his brother's trashy race down the slide? The Octava lost. Badly. They raced each other down the slide multiple times. When they didn't tie, Ilforte won. Countless times, they ended up shoving each other down the same slide, ending with a stern look from the lifeguard. The end result, as we are headed to our rooms; the Eighth now has an eightfold wedgie. Oddly enough, his brother was perfectly fine, victorious and wedgie free.

On the way, I found Tia. We nodded briefly to each other before continuing down the hall. With her key card (with a wedgie this bad, I refused to reach into my back pocket for my own key), I opened the door before pushing it open. Housekeeping had gone by and cleaned up the room, making our beds and such.

When we stepped further into the room, Tia smiled gently behind her scarf, looking rather amused. She pointed at the bed as a response to my questioning look.

What I saw was a rather odd sight.

~Grimmjow's POV~

My first thought when I walked into our cabin was "What the hell?"

Nnoitra cackled before that turned into laughter that made him fall over onto his side. Spoon head was crying and yelling about how he couldn't breathe while holding his sides, gasping for breath before crying and laughing all over again.

The whole thing freaked Tesla out. I almost felt sorry for him, the way he was freaking out and just standing there with his hands spazzing, not knowing what to do.

I swear I was going to kill something.

~Szayel's POV~

The sight that greeted us when we swept into the room was comforting in my opinion. The room was neatly cleaned (kudos to you, house keeping committee!), the air seemed clearer, and our beds were back in the wall, giving the room more space.

There was only one thing that bothered me though. On the bed was this odd little...thing. Ilforte and I stared at it blankly for a good few minutes before my brother stepped forward to touch it, or retrieve it, or pet it, or whatever he wanted to do with it. Whatever he was planning to do, he looked like he was in complete awe of the of thing.

"Bro...This is awesome!" he exclaimed with a sparkle in his eye. I rolled my eyes at this. He's such a doofus. He went on about the genius of it and how much he liked the thing.

I face palmed; he was such an idiot.

~BACK TO ULQUIORRA'S POV*~

The first thing I noticed was that Mai was curled up on the bed, napping. I don't see what was so amusing about this.

That was when she rolled over and her hand landed by the odd thing that was placed on the bed.

"..." I walked forward while Tia crouched down to inspect the thing. "Are those towels?" I asked as she prodded it. The blonde picked it up gently; the head piece was a seperate towel. I couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be though.

"It is," she put the head back and stood back up to look at it. "I think it's a bat," she commented. "It's a bit hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure of it." She smiled in my direction. "How ironic."

I ignored her comment. That towel-bat thing was rather fascinating. It was interesting in a stupid way. I knelt down and looked it in its eyes, which were made by using two small scraps of paper. How interesting. It didn't look anything like a bat in my opinion. A deformed towel bat if anything.

"I wonder if they have sharks," wondered Harribel as she wandered over to her suit case. She grabbed a change of clothes and her other swimsuit before disappearing into the bathroom to change.

At this time, Mai woke up, blinking when she saw my face and the towel-bat. She sat up groggily and rubbed her eye with a smile.

"Cool, right? I found that thing when I came back here after lunch," she told me before sliding off the bed. "I think it's a bat."

I nodded. A deformed one, but still a bat. "Do you think the others also got a bat**?" It would've been amusing, but I would've heard bat jokes for the rest of the summer.

"I dunno, maybe we should ask Grimmjow next time we see him," she suggested, grabbing her own clothes. When Tia came back, she took her place in the bathroom.

"Watch as he gets something like a cat, or a panther." The Tercera seemed highly amused by the possibility.

I sighed. If he did, Grimmjow would probably boast about his towel animal was manlier then everyone else's.

I hope he gets something stupid...like a bunny***.

~Back to Grim-kitty~

A towel animal. A stupid towel animal! Who the hell comes up with these things? I scowled at the damn creation.

"I-I can't believe ya got-!" Nnoitra fell over onto the bed before bouncing off and hitting the ground with a thud.

"Fuck you!" I swear I would destroy that thing with a cero.

"Oh, it's a kitty!" Tesla smiled and ran over to the towel-cat. He kneeled down and petted it with a stupid grin. "This is such a genius idea! I wonder how many other animals they have?" He prodded it and found out that the cat was made from three different towels.

I scowled and left to take a shower, ignoring Jirgua and his stupid fraction as they talked about the towel-kitty.

Damn towel creation.

~To Szayel! Wonder what he and Forte got?~

I hit my head against the wall for umpteenth time since we saw the stupid towel creation thing. Lord, my brother is a retard.

"...seriously awesome! I wanna keep it forever and ever!" He crouched down by the damn thing and cupped its face in his hands. "I love this thing!" he continued praising the thing. I was starting to wonder if he'd like to propose to it by the end of the day. "I wonder if they'll teach you how to make one? If they did, I'd make about fifty and put 'em all around my room!" he laughed at this. "Maybe even all around Las Noches! These ARE white, so Aizen-sama wouldn't care!"

"Shut up about the damn towel-cow!" I yelled at him. "God, you're such an idiot, Ilforte!" He ignored me and continued fawning over the towel-cow.

After a few more minutes of wonder and awe of the damn thing****, I slapped him upside the head.

"What the hell, bro?" he yelped.

"Stop worshipping the damn thing! It's a couple of towels!"

"I bet we got the manliest towel creation out of everyone!" he declared, standing up with his hands on his hips.

"That has nothing to do with anything!" I huffed and pushed my glasses, "Besides, that towel creation is a girl."

"Nuh-uh!" My stupid son of a mother brother crossed his arms.

"Tell me, Forte, what animal does your Resureccion take after?" I asked, dumbing it down for him.

"A bull," was his reply. He sounded cautious of where I was going with this.

"Why not a cow?" I inquired with a grin that said "You can do it! Use that thing that's called a BRAIN!"

"'Cause I'm a guy. Bulls are guys and cows are- ohh..." he sheepishly smiled. Idiot.

"Very good, Ilforte," I smiled as if I were talking to a stupid child. He went back to fawning over the stupid towel animal before I could continue on. Of course, being as smart as I was, I easily found a way to burst his bubble.

"So cute, yes, you are! Yes, you are-!"

"Oi, 'Forte," I cut him off. "I'm going to shower." With that said, I grabbed the towel cow by its leg and pulled, the whole thing unfolding when I whipped it into the air.

I could've sworn by brother whimpered when the head unfolded and fell into his lap.

~EvilEvilEvil~

"Ulquiorra-sama, are you ready?" Mai gently prodded my shoulder when I didn't answer.

"Yes, we don't want to keep Aizen-sama waiting," I replied. That bat thing was so odd. I couldn't help staring at it. Eventually, Tia had taken it apart to find out how it was folded before recreating the towel-bat. She carefully set it on the windowsill before we headed out.

Out in the hallway, Tesla and Nnoitra looked somber. On closer inspection, I could see that they just had tear stained faces from laughing so hard.

"Where's Grimmjow?" asked Tia when they approached us.

"Killing an innocent kitten," replied Tesla. That got the Quinta laughing do hard he fell over.

Before I could ask him about what that meant, Grimmjow open the door. He had just showered, as it was obviously seen from his wet hair and lack of cloths. A towel was wrapped around his waist. The Sexta scowled as he dried his hair with a smaller towel. Tesla gasped and almost looked forlorn.

"Damn right I am," he said triumphantly. He hung the towel he was using to dry his hair around his neck before pointing at it with his thumb. "Five minutes ago, this was the head." The blue headed Espada grinned at the look of horror Lilynette gave him as she passed us down the hall.

"You KILLED yours?" she screeched, "How could you?" The Primera ran back down the hall to Starrk, who was trudging slowly behind. "He KILLED his towel buddy, Starrk!"

We turned back to Grimmjow. By some miracle (or illegal use of sonido), Grimmjow had changed into his swim trunks. He threw his towel aside and, much to the relief of everyone, he had them on underneath. The sixth tossed the other towel aside and grabbed a shirt, pulling it on as we all walked down the hall together.

Before we could get to the end of the hall where Gin was, the door to the Granz brothers' room was flung open. Ilforte trudged out, looking rather miserable. Szayel Aporro sauntered out after him, looking satisfied with himself.

"What animal did you guys get?" asked Lilynette as she joined our group. The towels that they were carrying weren't an animal of any kind, so we assumed they had destroyed it.

"A cow..." answered Grimmjow's fraccion somberly.

"But that was trash, so I destroyed it and folded another one!" exclaimed Szayel. He disappeared back into their room and came back after a moment. With a triumphant smirk, he brandished a thing that had a long neck and a tail.

"A dinosaur! That's so cute!" Lilynette and Mai then proceeded to fawn over the towel animal. The Octave beamed.

"Yes! I call it..." he paused with a little smile. "...a towel-o-saur!"

Lilynette giggled and petted it. "For a creepy dude, you make awesome towel buddies!" she complimented with a laugh. Starrk rolled his eyes with a smile.

"We got a crocodile," he said. Grimmjow scowled. I'm sure the Sexta was jealous.

After the pink haired scientist put his little towel animal away, he joined the rest of us down the hall, where Gin had finished up saying he had gotten an iguana. "I got a book tellin' ya how ta make yer own, too," he explained. Ilforte looked considerably happier upon hearing this.

"What'd Aizen get?" asked Grimmjow casually as we headed up to the deck. From the window, we could see land in the distance.

"Oh, he got de weirdest thin'," Gin commented as we opened the doors to the main deck. "First, he got de gorilla, but den he borrowed mah book an' made a frog, goat, elephant, cobra, lizard, scorpion, an' last I saw 'im, 'e was working' a bunny."

We all stopped mid-step. The fact that he had gotten a gorilla wasn't odd, it was the fact that he had made more.

"Oh, I wanna see!" Lilynette squealed, jumping forward. "Maybe we can all make some and it'll be a zoo!"

We all glanced at each other oddly. It only got weirder when Aizen-sama approached us all, looking the same, if not a bit happier.

"Good afternoon, my dear Espada!" he said with a smile. He turned to Gin next. "You'll be happy to know that I just finished the towel creation called 'honeymoon'!" he continued on to talk about the joy of the towel creations. According to his descriptions, the honeymoon towel creation was made from two towel hearts. I honestly didn't understand the concept of it.

"You'll also be happy to know that I'm planning on making all the towel animals in your book, Gin!" Aizen-sama exclaimed as we all stopped at the railing on the bow of the ship. "Oh, I'm going to need to use your towels, too, Gin. I don't have enough by myself. I need my towels after showering you know," he chuckled. "And for the towel animals!" Gin laughed along before walking away from the self proclaimed god.

"Sure, 'cause I'm really 'appy 'bout givin' up all o' my towels," he mumbled when he stopped next to me.

"Yer chippin' in yer towels too, bat boy," the second-in-command grinned when I glared at him.

"You can have my towel-bat if you wish."

Aizen happened to walk by at this point. "Oh, joy! Maybe I should make towel-Espada!" He chuckled before walking on, listing off the animals he would make to represent each Espada. "...and what would Yammy be? A gorilla? Or an elephant, he is rather large... What the hell would Szayel Aporro and Zommari be?"

Everyone groaned. The fraccion all laughed, but stopped when they were bombarded with glares. Szayel looked like he wanted to destroy something. Like the slowly unfolding towel-o-saur that was suffocating in his hands. When it dropped to the ground, a little girl took it and ran off to go to hand it to her father. The big, hairy, and sweaty man took what used to be the towel-o-saur and put the towel to use.

...I fear that was going to be the fate of our towel counterparts...and our dignity.

END CHAPTER

*Was I being a bit troll-y there? Pull a Kubo lol, anyone here know all the stuff going down in the latest chapters? Y U BE TROLL KUBO-SAN?

**I don't know if every room really got a different towel creature. And I didn't get a bat on the first day...I actually don't remember what I got...maybe a cobra...or a seal...or something else... Three cheers for my awesome memory!

***You better be happy that Rukia can't hear you, Cifer!

****Slight biblical reference anyone? Y'know...the whole "stop worshiping the golden calf!" thing. 'Cept now it's "stop worshipping the towel-cow!" Yeah...

Lots of asterisks in this chapter O.o

I UPDATED TWICE IN ONE WEEK…TWICE IN TWO DAYS…YAY ME! –is watching too much Zack and Cody-

Reviews please! =3

~Amaterasu Ai


	12. To the Bahamas! Part 2 In the Water!

Espada Vacation

Chapter 12: To the Bahamas! Part 2 In the Water!

~Ulquiorra's POV~

Honestly, I wasn't that excited about going to the beach. I was actually planning to just go sight seeing, but instead of exploring, I found myself sitting on a trashy bus that played loud and crude trashy music. While I wasn't looking forward to being around the others all day, I did get some amusement from watching Nnoitra and Grimmjow get yelled at for not having their passports. The only downside was that Aizen-sama made us all wait for them.

While I was sitting there, irritated, the Quinta, Sexta, and Septima Espada all seemed to enjoy the song that was playing , singing along and head-banging along. Starrk surprisingly fell asleep despite the volume of the trashy tune. The Segunda was mumbling about how trashy it was. For once, I must agree with him. Tia, Lilynette, and Mai were conversing quietly, even though they had to talk a bit loudly to be heard.

Nnoitra and Grimmjow were bugging Szayel with the help of Ilforte. If I were into that kind of trashy thing, I'm sure I would be amused, because the three were all head banging and playing the air guitar with their tongues out like those rock stars on TV that Nnoitra watches so often. The trio surrounded the Octava while doing this, causing the scientist to freak out, nearly his (and their) hair out. Aaroniero was sitting quietly in the back, probably arguing with himself inside his head. Yammy sat behind Zommari, and the two were now talking about other trashy music they liked.

In the front of bus, Aizen was messing with his camera, taking a picture of the scenery and of us every few miles. Tousen sat across from him, "watching" the buildings and such pass by as we drew closer to our destination. Gin decided he would sit beside me, "'cause ya look lonely, Ulqui-orra."

The ride felt like it dragged on for an hour. For only Aizen knows why, the trashy music actually put half the Espada to sleep*. Within ten minutes, Grimmjow and Nnoitra calmed down and were talking quietly, looking like they were half asleep. Szayel was scowling slightly; was this the only music they played? His brother on the other hand had fallen asleep completely, along with Starrk, Lilynette, Barragan, Mai, Aaroniero, and Yammy. Zommari looked dazed, as it hypnotized by the sound blaring from the front of the bus.

"Oi...Emosada..." Nnoitra lazily leaned back and stretched his neck until he was looking at me.

"...What?" I asked when he didn't give any sign of wanting to give a reply.

For some odd reason, the Quinta giggled. "Ya just got the bubble**." Grimmjow laughed and they lazily high fived.

"...Excuse me?" With a lack of anything else better to do, I decided to not ignore the two in front of me.

"Yer excused," said Grimmjow as his head lolled back against the window. The Sexta glanced at Gin and me before closing his eyes.

"..." That wasn't strange at all. (Note the sarcasm.) Nnoitra yawned and kicked his feet up on the seat in front of him, which was occupied by Szayel, even though the scientist didn't seem to mind as much. He was leaning against the window, his brother at the seat across from his. The Octava half heartedly glared at the Quinta before staring off into the distance.

"...Well, that ain't strange at all..." Gin grinned (like usual) and ran a hand through his hair. "Ya think this music makes people go all funny in the head?" He chuckled when I nodded in agreement. While I didn't usually agree with Aizen-sama's second in command, this was one thing that was a bit obvious, if you took the time to glance around the bus.

"Perhaps there's some scientific reason as to why everyone is so...off," I suggested. Gin shrugged and reached between the two in front of us and tapped Szayel on the shoulder.

"What do ya think, Pinky?" asked the ex-shinigami as he leaned back in his seat. The scientist looked over at us out of the corner of his eye before sighing.

"I don't know." He closed his eyes. I glanced over at Gin. He glanced back.

"What do ya mean, ya don't know?" the silver haired second in command leaned forward and rested his arms on the back of Nnoitra's seat. "Dun't ya always know everythin'?"

"..." A moment of silence passed. The sound of the bus hummed quietly as one song ended and another started. By now, the trashy music was just background noise, lulling the few that were awake to sleep. "Shut up, Ichimaru."

"..." Another moment of silence passed. Another minute ticked by with Gin just staring at the scientist the whole time. I thought it would've stayed like that for the rest of this trashy bus ride before Gin spoke up again. "Ulquiorra, if the world ends soon, I want ya to know that I love ya."

If I didn't know that he was joking, I would've forced myself out of my gigai and would've cero'ed him.

~SON OF A BEACH~

"YEAH! We're finally here!" Lilynette jumped and cheered while we filed into a hotel that overlooked the beach. The plan was for us to go through the lobby, through the back doors, across the pool area, and out the gates to the beach. Afterwards, we would sneak back through, using their pool on our way out. It wasn't surprising, but I would rather not go through trashy trust exercises in the pool again.

Starrk sighed as he trudged after the energetic blonde. Tia watched amusedly as the shorter Primera led the way down towards the water.

"Damn, that water looks clean," commented Grimmjow as he flung his stuff down on the towel I was laying out. " I ignored him and shoved his bag onto the sand. While everyone was laying out towels, putting on sunscreen, or shoving people into the water, Grimmjow was standing next to my towel, seemingly people watching.

After I was done, I stood up and looked at him. "Why don't you go out into the water? Even Starrk is out there." While the Primera WAS out there, he was just floating around on his back...until Lilynette jumped onto his stomach and both of them went under. They reemerged a few seconds later, sputtering, cursing, and yelling about salt in their eyes***.

"Maybe I don't feel like it," the Sexta growled in response. "Why don't YOU go out in the water?" He crossed his arms and, from what I see, he believes that I should see this as a challenge.

"I will."

"You do that, bat boy." I ignored his rude nickname. That's when it dawned to me.

"You don't want to go out there because you are a panther, and panthers are cats. Cats generally do not like to get wet." It was an outright statement. Grimmjow scowled even more.

"No," was the quick response. "I just...want to find some seashells. Heard you can hear the ocean in 'em." As if to prove his point, he crouched down and started moving sand here and there.

"...I did not think you would enjoy such...feminine activities. Also, you can hear the ocean much more clearly when you're actually out there, IN the ocean." What would he do next? Lay out in the open trying to get a tan? I've seen pictures of women doing that in the vacationing magazines that Aizen-sama leaves around.

Surprisingly, the Sexta stayed quiet, scowling. "I don't see you going out there," he growled after a moment.

"Yer such a pussy, Grim!" Nnoitra cackled as Grimmjow stood up. "Is the whittle scaredy-cat afwaid of gettin' wet?"

"Shut up, Jiruga." He scowled and crossed his arms. "Gettin' wet is what pussies do." An almost psychotic looking grin appeared on the sixth's face.

"Then why ain't you wet? Lil pussy cat," the fifth grinned back.

I watched this go back and worth for a moment before wandering off to go find less trashy comrades.

"What's going on over there?" asked Yammy. He was trash, but I decided he was better company then the other two right now.

"They are fighting," I responded. The next thing the giant did made me question his intelligence, or lack of.

"Oh! They're fightin'?! I'ma go over there and show 'em who's the real number one!" With a cackle, the Decima stomped over to the arguing duo. I watched as they argued. Yammy said something to them, they both gave him an odd look, then Nnoitra slapped the giant upside the head and proceeded to take him and Grimmjow by the ear and pull them towards the clear water.

"OW! Dammit, Nnoitra! LET GO!" Grimmjow cursed and swore at both the person holding his ear and Yammy. "I swear, when you let go, I'll shove a freakin' squid up your-!"

"Good luck with that, ya'd have ta get in the water first!" Nnoitra cackled as he shoved Yammy into the water. While it was shallow, the giant tripped head first and screamed every bit of profanity in existence at the Quinta, who laughed in response.

"You're next you son of a beach, mother fu-!" the giant was cut off when Lilynette jumped him (using Starrk as a launchpad), forcing the giant under again.

We watched as Yammy roared in anger and threatened to kill the blonde, who, without missing a beat, responded with calling the Decima fat, along with a few other words that we thought she didn't know.

"...I don't know what's weirder...the fact that Lilynette knocked over YAMMY, who's probably twice her height," Nnoitra smirked as we watched the two argue and attempt to drown each other. Oddly enough, Lilynette was winning.

"Dude, Yammy's like ten times heavier." Grimmjow watched curiously, looking a bit wary of the little girl. Watching this now, it's hard to believe Lilynette was the same little girl who played stupid pranks on us and cried when Yammy's dog disappeared for a week.

"Yeah...I dun't know what's weirder, that, or how she knows those words." Nnoitra raised an eyebrow when the little Primera dug her elbow into Yammy's gut and screamed more profanity at him. "He looks friggin' pissed."

"Did Yammy just say 'son of a beach?" I asked, wondering if it was a term that I wasn't familiar with. They ignored me.

"How the hell does she know those words?" asked Grimmjow. "It wasn't me, 'cause I try to keep as far away as possible from that little prankster of a bitch." The Quinta nodded in agreement.

"Starrk perhaps?" I suggested, putting aside the odd phrase for now. Starrk wasn't one to swear that much, at least around Lilynette. We turned back to the fight. Lilynette had succeeded in pushing the giant under. I just caught the moment when Yammy's hands disappeared beneath the surface.

"WHAT!" Lilynette yelled down at him. Nnoitra and Grimmjow howled with laughter and high fived each other. Of course, a moment later, the latter was shoved into the water. He just happened to land on Szayel, who was leisurely floating around on an inner tube, his brother a few yards away on a small plastic board that he hung on to while using his legs to propel himself around. The blond was currently terrorizing all the other fraccion.

"GRIMMJOW, YOU BLUE HAIRED FREAK****!" screamed the Octava. He kicked and screamed at the Sixth, not really helping his situation; both keeping afloat and keeping Grimmjow from killing him.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, PINK?" yelled said blue haired freak.

"I said you're a blue haired-!" "Pink" stopped short of getting himself cut in every possible place, then get thrown into the ocean. Grimmjow's glare could've probably killed the scientist if looks could kill. "Er...I said...Grimmjow...you blue haired..." he dragged his words out, trying to save himself.

The pink haired Espada glanced over at his brother, who watched amusedly with a satisfied smirk.

"Whaddya got, Pinky?" Grimmjow scowled.

"...sneak..." Everyone looked at him questioningly. "Yeah, sneak. Grimmjow, you blue haired sneak, you... You go around being sneaky and whatnot. Very clever, Grimmjow." The Octava visibly cringed at how lame it sounded out loud.

"...You fail, Pink," Grimmjow said as he stood up in the water. It barely went past his knees. "I'm not sure if I should beat you for calling me a freak, or for that lame rhyme that barely saved your ass."

"What say you don't beat me at all, Blue?" Szayel suggested weakly.

"..." A cold glare.

"Or I'll just float away now." The eighth sat back down on his floatation device and let the waves carry him away from the violent sixth.

We watched for a moment as he floated away. After he was at a considerable distance away from us, Grimmjow, still dripping wet, glared at Nnoitra and I.

"What're you looking at, freaks?" he growled as he waded out of the water.

Without blinking, I responded, "Not much, Blue." With that, I turned around and walked away from the trash. "Blue" swore and angrily punched the water, splashing Nnoitra with it, who was laughing hysterically.

~SON OF A BEACH?~

An hour later, things had calmed down a bit. Grimmjow had taken to the umbrella that Tia had set up. Surprisingly, she didn't mind that he was napping on her towel. While he napped, Nnoitra went around assigning everyone a color. So far, Barragan received red, Tia had gotten yellow, and because Lilynette insisted on having a color (and because the fifth now has a newfound fear of the little Primera), she received the color pink. After more pestering, courtesy of Lilynette, Starrk had received the color blue.

"Ulquiorra, I grant thee the color...emo!" declared Nnoitra as he stopped by me. I had decided to go and sit in the water, letting the waves lap over my lap.

"...I don't think 'emo' is a color," I replied as a shell found its way onto my knee. I was about to pick it up to throw it back when Lilynette jumped between us, grabbing the seashell as she leaped over a wave.

"Give him the color green!" she told Nnoitra. "His eyes are the only thing that has color!"

"Good idea, Lil'nette!"

"Last time I checked, black and white are both colors," I told them.

"Yeah, but they're boring!" they both exclaimed at the same time.

"Besides," Lilynette continued, "Your eyes are pretty!"

"..."

"Yeah," Nnoitra cackled, "Pretty sure pet-sama saw that, too. That how ya got her, Ulquiorra?"

"...Be quiet, Nnoitra." I shut my eyes ask another wave washed up, this time coming up to my chest.

"...Y'know..." I opened my eyes to find Lilynette inspecting the shell that she had grabbed. "Ulqui'd make a good pirate, don't ya think?"

...Where was this coming from? I glanced up at them questioningly.

Nnoitra looked down and seemed to ponder this. "...I guess. Emospada would be some sorts captain...an' pet-sama would be a lady he kidnapped, an' I bet he'd enjoy a bit of S&M in the bedroom..." The fifth cackled madly. He laughed so hard he tripped over a wave and landed in the ocean. "Imagine that!"

Lilynette nodded with a smile on her face. "That'd make some good money. Don't we have some newspaper in Huedo Mundo now? What's it called? Las Noches Daily?" Nnoitra nodded while I pondered over the ironic name.

"Ya should try an' get tha' story in that piece of trash. I'd read it, an' I never read any shit ever!" Lilynette nodded, agreeing with an excited "totally!".

"Read what?" asked Gin and Ilforte as they strolled over.

"Lilynette came up with an AWESOME idea fer that crappy newspaper Tousen runs," Nnoitra explained to the two. "Ya see, Ulquiorra's a pirate-"

"Dude, you should make me the first mate!" Ilforte interjected. Gin nodded and said he wanted to be the rival pirate captain. The four of them discussed various plans, adding suggestions for future chapters, something about a fat parrot named Whammy (who sounds suspiciously a like Yammy), and who the rest of my crew would be.

While all this happened, I sat in the waves, contemplating what the "son of a beach" thing meant, how Lilynette isn't as innocent as she seems, and now, why I bother to even associate myself with the trash a couple of feet away from me.

"Dude, Grimmjow should so be in this, too!" Ilforte ranted about the trashy Sexta's role before Lilynette jumped up and yelled something about the letters 'S' and 'M' and 'kitty ears'.

"Ha, that'd be pretty kinky," commented Gin with a laugh as they all walked off towards Gin's spot on the beach.

...I sat there for a moment longer, hating my so called comrades before getting up and brushing the sand and seaweed off.

"...What was that about?" asked Tia as she strolled over, having pulled on a coverup over her swimsuit.

I glanced back at them before walking towards the table Aizen-sama had set up for lunch.

"...I don't know...I don't think I wish to know either..." We all seated ourselves at the table and starting taking what we wanted from the spread of food that was laid out by Zommari.

"Omigosh," Lilynette said around her burger. She swallowed before continuing. "There should so be a scene where Aizen-sama comes along, like maybe he's Ulqui's dad or somethin', and then there's a reunion, no wait, an epic battle! Then after that, Ulqui's gonna break down and cry, and-omigosh, that'd be an EPIC chapter!" Everyone in their little posse nodded in agreement and added their thoughts on it.

Tia turned to me with an eyebrow raised, looking disturbed and confused.

_**END CHAPTER**_

*The bus played like screamo or really hard rock or whatever XD and I probably nearly fell asleep five times lol

**The Bubble was this weird thing my brother's classmates made up. If someone says "what", they got the bubble.

***Salt in the eyes... Another IGD reference lol...

****My friend and her little sister used to always yell "YOU FREAK!" at each other in an...exaggerated-ish manner...well...more like yelling it with an emphasis on "FREAK!". For some reason, I can see Szayel doing that.

Hm... Oh, and about the whole "son of a beach thing"; on my more recent vacation to the Dominican Republic, my brother and I were sitting in a hot tub, and I kept saying "sun of a beach!", which sounded like son of a female dog XD So after I explained what I was really saying, I decided that if I ever became rich and bought my own beach, I would name it "Sun of a Beach". Just saying.

...This chapter's a bit crackish XD

I didn't exactly keep up with the whole, update once a month thing, as proven by this one day late chapter, but that's my excuse for the weirdness at the end, but I'm hoping you enjoyed that and took it for plan genius XD

So...yeah...I'm gonna ramble a bit now.

I am now an eighth way into my first year of high school O.o My teachers are interesting. One ate a potato candle, another has Biebs and Gomez on his iPod, another is my brother's best friend's neighbor, one LOVES comics, hence why his room is plastered with posters of various superheroes, and one looks like a surfer dude.

High school is...alright. That's my thought so far. I've never been to public school before so it's been interesting lol

Well, please review! I'd love to hear from you guys =)

...Will you review if I say it in French?

La français! S'il vous plâit...review...

French fail. I don't know how to say review in French.

...Just review...please XD

~Amaterasu Ai


	13. To the Bahamas! Part 3 IWYHMALSAGIS

Espada Vacation

Chapter 13: To the Bahamas! Part 3: In Which You Hear More About Lilynette's Story, and Gin is Sad

~SAG-san's POV~

"Are you crying?" I asked Nnoitra as I stopped by him and Lilynette. Throughout lunch, they, along with Gin and my trashy brother, talked about some twisted and dramatic story Lilynette was planning to write. While the bits and pieces I heard were a bit rough, it has potential to be even greater then El Corazón! I could just imagine how romantic Captain Ulbrecht would be after he let his emotions show! And the prisoner, what was her name? Of course, poor Obelia would have to suffer so much before she was safe from the captain's ruthless reign over the seas! Oh, than Jagger, the rival pirate who wasn't as strong as Ulbrecht, would come in and kidnap the fragile Obelia! Those two would spend some time together before Obelia's love came to save her! For some stupid reason, she stays with Jagger, but personally, I am on Team Ulbrecht, because he is so much more reserved, while Jagger is so wild and just kills whatever he sees in sight.

Ahem...excuse me, I tend to get a bit passionate over a good story. Back to Nnoitra and Lilynette.

"I ain't cryin', Pinky," he scowled. "It's friggin' hot out here; I'm sweatin' through my eyes*, stupid." He rubbed at his eye as Lilynette giggled.

"Ne, Szay, wanna hear what happens to Obelia? I noticed ya eavesdropping on us earlier," she grinned and scooted over to make room. I decided to join them, since Ilforte has a sand ball in his hand and his target options were either me, or Yammy.

"Does she end up with Captain Ulbrecht? I know those two love each other," said I. I wonder how Lilynette came up with these ideas; the characters were so original, yet oddly familiar. Captain Ulbrecht's parrot, Whammy I think, reminds me of Yammy. Strange, right?

"I'm not gonna tell you!" she yelled when I tried to get a peek at her papers. "Why do you wanna know so bad?" The Primera didn't even give me a chance to respond before going on. "Wait, you wanna be in the story, too, don't ya? You're jealous of Ulqui and Grim 'cause they're in my awesome story, aren't ya?" she exclaimed with a grin.

"What?" What did Ulquiorra and Grimmjow have to do with anything?

"Yer pretty stupid for a genius," Nnoitra sneered. "Ya do realize that 'Ulbrecht' is Ulquiorra, an' Jagger is Grim, right?" the stupid Quinta laughed when he saw the look on my face.

"Wait...but that would mean...that...Obelia...is Orihime Inoue?" Crap. That would explain why the lovely Obelia loved eating the strangest things, like wasabi on hot dogs with that red bean paste. Disgusting.

"Duh!" Lilynette rolled her eyes before continuing to write down more ideas for her little story.

"Oi, Szayel, you alright? Ya look kinda pale," Nnoitra cackled while scooping damp sand into piles in front of him.

"...I just lost all respect for Ulquiorra," I grinned. With a push of my glasses, I picked up a pencil. "I would like to help out with your story, though. I have some ideas..."

~Lol...Szayel's initials are SAG...I still find that funny~

"Rejected, bro," Ilforte laughed while he scooped sand onto his legs.

"Shut up." I scowled; why in Hueco Mundo would Lilynette not let me help write her story? Everyone knows that I had writing skills equal to, if not greater then Shakespeare-san himself.

"You're just jealous, 'cause I'm the first mate in their story!" Ilforte gloated with a smirk as he scooped more sand onto his lower half. "Captain Jagger's almighty, and rather sexy, if I do say so myself, first mate, Idiot Jones!" My stupid blond of a brother glowed with pride.

I on the other hand, started laughing so hard I thought I might choke on my own saliva. "Idiot? Yes, of course, that totally sums you up in one simple name." I chuckled while moving sand around with my foot. Ilforte somehow turned this into a helpful gesture by taking the sand I pushed into a pile and putting it over his legs.

"My parents were hippies," Ilforte continued, "The name was Idiot Jones, but everyone just called me Iddy," he explained as he pressed the sand onto his legs. He had managed to cover his entire lower half with the sand and was now shaping it into something. "Lilynette's considering a side story, focusing on Jagger and me. Isn't that awesome, bro?" He smirked and gathered more sand to put over his feet.

"Yes, because it is an amazing thing to be on Grimmjow's crew, going by the name of Idiot Jones." I rolled my eyes and sat myself down a few feet away from Idiot, oh, I meant Ilforte. I mentally rolled my eyes again.

"You're just jealous," Ilforte stuck his tongue out at me before molding more sand around and on him.

"I am not jealous! I would never want to be in that trashy story anyways!" I scowled and flung sand at Grimmjow's Idiot. Idiot (I should seriously start calling him that now!) simply brushed the sand off and continued molding sand castle shapes around him.

"Hey! 'Fort, I got some new ideas I wanna show ya!" Lilynette bounced over to us with Nnoitra. "Ooh, whatcha doing here?" She kneeled down in the sand and started to help Idiot with his stupid sand art.

Nnoitra was left with the papers. He handed them to me with a smirk. "Yer now part of my friggin' AWESOME story that's gonna make me a million dollars."

"It's Lilynette's story, fool." A doctor character? I never noticed any intelligent character, maybe they just created him. "If you make a million dollars off of this trash, I'm sure Lilynette and Starrk wouldn't be too happy about it," I told him as I scanned over the notes and rough character designs. Doctor Sage, the stupid and clumsy doctor that is much like Nurse Joy. Sage apparently just shows up wherever the main characters decide to dock.

"...What in blazes is this all about?" I questioned, "Sage is an idiot,I mean, who the hell would mix that chemical, ham sandwiches, and BLOOD? That is the true sign of an idiot!" I continued to rant as Lilynette and Nnoitra helped Ilforte with his sand art.

"Bro, just because I dropped my lunch into a tub of chemicals doesn't mean I'm an idiot." The blond frowned as he continued shaping the sand and drew swirly designs in them.

"I beg to differ, Idiot Jones," I scowled, remembering how the fool nearly blew up a good portion of my lab.

"Hey, Idiot's a symbolic and meaningful name!" he argued, "Society can call me an idiot, for all I care, but they are only calling me by name! So take that!"

"..." I stared at the idiot blond. "Ilforte..."

He happily continued his sand art while Lilynette and Nnoitra helped. "Yes?"

"You make no sense, you idiot." I scoffed and sat down. What is with this stupid Sage character?

"And you're only proving my point!" He grinned and sat back with a satisfied expression. Lilynette and Nnoitra sat back, showing off their and Ilforte's sand work.

"...Ilforte...what the hell is...that?" I pointed at his sand legs.

"Like it, bro? I'm a mer-dude!" Lilynette giggled and clapped.

"I wanna be a mermaid!" The little Primera snapped, "Oh! I just got an idea!" The blonde grabbed the papers from my side and started scribbling down her ideas. "We'll add a magical mermaid, not like the crappy singing ones on TV, but like a cool one! And she'll ride in a monster truck! Yeah, totally!"

"..." I wandered away after she started on a dumb nurse character that was supposed to be Sage's girlfriend. Who dumps twenty pounds of folders into a vat of melted crayons?

~Say, Szay, What'cha Gonna Do Today?~

"I'm sad." That was a first. Gin was never sad.

"Okay..." I pushed up my glasses. "Why are you sad?"

"Because..." I waited. He didn't seem like he wanted to answer. "I dun't wanna talk about it."

"...What are you, a teenage girl on Facebook?" The Espada recently joined the social site, and from what I've seen, teenage girls are always saying dumb things that prompt others to ask about it, then they decide to keep it to themselves.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Noo..."

Gin is such an odd man.

"...Will you tell me why you're sad now?" Why do I even bother?

"...Lilynette took me outta her story!"

"Oh, tragic isn't it? Say, do you think we're leaving soon?"

"Nah, probably not." Gin pointed over his shoulder, his earlier sadness forgotten. "We're gonna swim in the hotel pool before leavin'." Hm...for so much hype about swimming in the Bahamas, we never really did much.

"Joy, another pool fiasco." I sighed and pushed up my glasses. Of course, Aizen would take a shot at getting something free. Pools are usually opened to hotel guests only, but of course, beach goers usually steal a swim. "Are we force to do another trust activity?" God, I hoped not. Tousen was terrible, but even worse, my brother is a complete son of a mother idiot.

"Nah, it's worse." The silver haired second in command got up and headed towards the gate, along with the rest of our party.

How could anything be worse than trust exercises, in a pool, with the Espada? "Worse how?"

He grinned with a hint of evil, or, should I say, a bigger hint of evil, present. "We're gonna role play."

Oh, crap.

END CHAPTER

*Sweating through your eyes; Phineas and Ferb reference! XD

Crappy chapter is pretty crappy. I guess you can blame school and my laziness. Sorry.

So...how've you all been doing? Hope you haven't forgotten me or lost interest in this story. Hopefully, I'll be more excited about the next chapter and write it fasterrrr...

So ya. Please take some time and review, saying hi, or something. Tell me about your day if you feel like it, most of my AN's are me telling you about my life, so you can get some revenge if you want and reviewww...

Ha, yeah, so please review. (Insert charming grin here)

~Amaterasu Ai


	14. To the Bahamas! Part 4 RP in the Pool

Espada Vacation

Chapter 14: To the Bahamas! Part 4 Role Play in the Pool

~"Ulbrecht's" POV~

"NOOOO! NO! NO! NO!" Szayel screeched angrily as he threw his bag to the ground. "Sage's girlfriend CAN'T be based off of Loly! She's a complete idiot!"

"Which makes her perfect for the role!" Lilynette said, trying to convince the Octava to accept the fact. Currently, we were all at the pool, sitting around the steps as Lilynette gave us each a character. I personally refused to do this trashy activity, but she told me to go sit on the floating bed thing and "look pretty."

"Ne, what about Obelia? Inoue-san isn't here, so who would play her?" Mai asked from her place by the poolside. Lilynette pondered this for a moment.

"Good point, and Loly isn't here either...hmm..." After a moment, she snapped her fingers. "I know! Mai-chan and Tia-san can play Sage's girlfriend or Obelia!" The little Primera gave a triumphed smile, "Yush! I'm so smart!"

Grimmjow and Szayel Aporro glanced each other for a moment. "HARRIBEL CAN BE WITH ME!" they both yelled simultaneously. Lilynette giggled. Nnoitra cackled.

Harribel wasn't as amused. "I don't want to be involved." The Tercera frowned before wading over to the bar that was planted in the deep end of the pool. She sat down on a chair before ordering a drink.

"...How about Mai?" Grimmjow suggested after a moment. Everyone glanced at the blue eyed fraccion.

She blinked in response. "Why me?"

"'Cause you're like the only other girl here! And I hafta be the director slash Lillian, the magical mermaid that drives monster trucks!" She paused, the rest of us staring at her oddly. By from what I understand, mermaids were creatures that were half human, half fish. I think they understood human languages, much like Hollows, except they also understood fish talk.

"And?" I asked when it appeared that she forgot that she was going to go on.

"Aaand because I don't wanna be with pervies like Grim-cat and Gay Szay." She giggled at the two's reaction. Mai frowned.

"Why the glum look? You would fit the role of Obelia and Sage's girlfriend perfectly," Szayel said. Nnoitra raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" asked the Quinta.

"Because she's beautiful and admired by many?" asked Lilynette with an odd questioning look.

The Eighth scoffed, "No, because they are both idiots."

A pause.

"..." My fraccion's eye twitched. "Wanna say that again, Pink?" she muttered darkly. Nnoitra watched amusedly.

"Oh? What's this? Is that a challenge?" The Octava looked down at the blue haired girl. "From a mere fraccion?" He smirked. "Good help is so hard to find these days. I guess that's why I created my own. They are actually of use to me. At least I can eat them when they don't obey my orders."

"Yeah, I can tell. Lumina and Verona are the fattest people in Las Noches. Even more than Yammy!"

"...Are you calling me fat, little girl?" The pink haired scientist look appalled at the thought.

Another pause. The girl responded in one word.

"Yes."

~Ulquiorra Just Watched a Cat Fight...Wonder if He Likes That Kinda Thing XD~

"Oh, but woe to my dark soul, for I shall never find a babe as sexy as you, m'lady." Because I had refused to participate in such a trashy excuse for a play, Nnoita was chosen to take the role of "Captain Ulbrecht."

"Stick to the script!" yelled Lilynette from her place next to me on the floaty bed device.

"But the script's boring!" Nnoitra yelled back. He and Grimmjow both were on their respective floating beds that were tied together with a piece of rope. Mai was in between the two floating devices at the moment, treading water as Nnoitra argued with Lilynette.

"Just go again!" The little Primera shouted back through a waterproof bullhorn.

Mai groaned, "That's the sixth time! How much longer so I have to float here?"

"Just shut yer trap," Nnoitra said. We started floating closer to them, so I could hear what they said without the use of supersonic bat ears.

"Do it again!" Lilynette yelled through that bullhorn.

"Why are you using that? They can hear you just fine if you speak normally," I told her. The blonde just grinned in response.

"'Cause it's fun to use, and it emphasizes the fact that I'm in charge and CAN KICK YER BUTTS IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY!" she yelled the last part through her bullhorn. I leaned away slightly at the volume. Nnoitra and Grimmjow rolled their eyes.

"Just let spoon head do his line again," Grimmjow said as Starrk floated by on his back. He had surprisingly managed to stay afloat while sleeping.

Once the Primera had floated out of the way, Lilynette signaled for Szayel to start up the camera again. He scowled and muttered, "If cameras actually shot things literally, that girl would be dead twenty times over by now." No one else seemed to notice this. I assume the Eighth was still bitter about the argument before.

"Hey, baby, wanna go do some stuff in a cave*?" asked Nnoitra with a sly grin. "But woe to my junk, we can't, 'cause Jagger is bein' a bastard an' takin' you away from my bed." There was a pause as everyone let the Fifth's words sink in. Szayel stared on dumbly before chuckling quietly. Lilynette just stared while Grimmjow seemed at a loss as to what he should do. He looked like he wasn't sure if he should punch the Quinta, or laugh. Mai, on the other hand, blushed, embarrassed.

"..." Lilynette handed the bullhorn over to me. She pushed it into my hands and said quietly, "...Yell 'cut' for me."

"Why?" I replied.

"...Because..." The little blonde continued staring. "Starrk says little girls shouldn't hear about stuff like that, so I should ignore it and pretend I never heard anything."

I held the mini loudness enhancer in my hand. She was such an odd child. This was coming from the girl who gave Yammy and Nnoitra a wedgie. At the same time. "I have also overheard Starrk tell you that ladies do not say 'bad words,' yet I've heard you say many crude things." Lilynette waved me off in response.

"That's a different matter," she said. "Just say cut."

"Cut," I said finally after raising the bullhorn to my mouth.

~Awkward?~

"But Jagger! It's dangerous! Master Ulbrecht is going to kill you! You can't leave me here alone!" Surprisingly, everyone involved in Lilynette's trashy play got their acts together quickly. In the past hour, they had accomplished the feat of not killing each other. They had also gotten through quite a number of scenes.

"I swear to myself that I would protect you no matter what the risk, even at the cost of my life." Grimmjow paused here. Lilynette giggled as we floated around the scene. "If I die, my trusty first mate, Idiot, will take care of you. Don't worry, his brother's a doctor."

"Ahoy!" Ilforte floated by on his back. "I'll project the lass, captain!"

"That was terrible!" Szayel shouted from his place behind the camera.

"Keep going! We'll cut it out later!" Lilynette squealed through her bullhorn.

"But Jagger-!" Nnoitra started floating closer now, slowly making his way in screen. The Octava rolled his eyes and scowled at the scene.

"This'll make me a gerjillion bucks!" whispered Lilynette as she slapped my arm excitedly, "Whaddya think, Ulqui?"

I glanced over at the little blonde. "...I don't really know what to think." The idea was complete trash. Why would I ever be a pirate? Why would Grimmjow ever be a pirate? He doesn't even like water that much.

"Shhh!" The little Primera squealed as there was a pause on screen.

"Um..." Mai looked over at us. "It says I'm suppose to kiss him."

"DO IT!" bellowed Lilynette. Her grin, in my view, seemed a bit psychotic.

"Heh heh..." Nnoitra cackled. "If they ain't willing ta do it, I can help." He reached around and shoved my fraction downwards.

"Nnoitra, you bastard!" A lot of splashing occurred as the blue haired fraccion fell into the water. Szayel looked over at us, indicating that he couldn't see past the flailing either.

I glanced at Lilynette, who glanced back at me.

"TO THE SCENE OF THE BATTLE!" With that, she pulled a pool noodle (suspiciously out of nowhere) and started paddling over to where the "pirate ships" were. When we arrived at the scene, the splashing had stopped. Nnoitra was rolling on his "ship" with laughter because of Grimmjow. Said Sexta was clinging onto the other "ship," soaked, reminding me much of a drowned cat.

"...That...was...AWESOME!" Lilynette yelled through her little bullhorn, despite being in close proximity with the others. "Keep it! New twist! Obelia is set adrift, seemingly dead! We all think she drowned, lost forever, living with the mermaids in Atlantis! Jagger an' Ulbrecht are gonna hafta team up and save her!" The pink eyed girl clapped excitedly. "Mai, once we leave the shot, drown!"

Mai, who was treading water, flipped her hair out of her eyes before replying. "So I don't have to be in the movie anymore?" Lilynette nodded. Mai didn't seem as disappointed as Lilynette thought she should have been.

"Okay! Let's keep going, peeps!" Lilynette used the noodle to steer us to Szayel.

He didn't look impressed. "When do I get to be in the movie?"

"When I say so." Good comeback.

"When do you say so then?" asked the scientist.

"When I feel like it." Lilynette looked cheerful as she watched the scene. Mai had let herself sink and was currently swimming towards us underwater.

"When do you feel like it?" He seemed rather annoyed now.

"Hey," my fraccion popped up and held onto the side of our floating bed. I nodded to her before turning back to the movie.

"When I'm in the mood," whispered back Starrk's fraccion.

"When are you in the mood?" The Octava looked extremely irritated.

"Ew! Pervy Szayel just asked if I was in the mood!" Lilynette shouted, "coincidently" through her bullhorn. The fake fight stopped and everyone stared at the pink haired scientist. "Busted," she snickered at his reaction. Szayel looked like he was going to strangle something.

Tia swam over to us, shooting a glare at the Eighth. "You're lucky Starrk's asleep," she said as she pulled herself up by my side. "He would've killed Granz and wrecked your little movie." Lilynette shrugged in response.

Barragan humphed from his seat at the pool's steps. "You youngsters have no respect these days! Corrupt men going after defenseless women was a capital crime back in my day!"

The others rolled their eyes as the Segunda went on about how his time was superior to ours.

~U~

"Kyaa!" Lilynette squealed like an embarrassed character from a shoujo manga. Currently, everyone was floating and lounging around, waiting for Szayel and Nnoitra to figure out how to swap out the memory card.

"Kyaa?" Mai and the Primera were currently rehearsing for the next scene, which apparently included fan service.

"No! You gotta sound super girly! Look cute! Be kawaii! Like this! Kyaaa!" The blonde squealed again, clutching her hands by her chest. "And blushin' would be a nice touch."

My fraccion crossed her arms, "I don't blush." She looked slightly annoyed or embarrassed at the "kya" exercises.

"I'll help ya with that!" Lilynette then proceeded to reach over and pinch the cheeks of my fraccion. By her yelping reaction, I assumed it hurt.

"Ow!" Mai slapped the shorter's hands away. "Dude! Why?"

"You need to bluush!" A slap fight started as the two argued about blushing and something about a waterproof maid costume. I wasn't sure.

"Damn," Grimmjow grinned, "I don't know what that psycho's got planned for the next scene, but I think I'll like it." He laughed. I ignored him and looked over to see Nnoitra and Szayel high fiving. What a strange day.

"Dude, cat fight!" Nnoitra slapped the Eighth's shoulder, making the scientist lurch forward, near long knocking the camera into the water. "Careful with that!" Szayel scowled at the Fifth.

I turned back to the pool, where bubbles were coming from the spot where the two fraccion were earlier. That was a bit worrisome.

A moment later, Mai splashed to the surface."I am NOT wearing cat ears!"

~Nya?~

"Say 'nya,'" instructed Lilynette. The Primera raised her hands up with her fingers curled, similar to the cat girls in the various anime that she watched.

"No." My fraccion pulled off the cat paws that were the same color as her hair. "Why do I even have to do this?" Lilynette slapped her hand away before the cat tail was pulled off.

Beside me, Grimmjow snorted. "Why do cat characters always have bows on their tails? It looks friggin' ridiculous."

"Fine, you don't have to wear the paws, but keep on the kitty ears! It's adorable!" Lilynette tugged on them lightly with a grin.

Mai closed her eyes and sighed. "Tell me again why I have to be a cat?"

Was it just me, or did the little blonde have an evil gleam in her eyes?

"After the scene we just shot, the one where Lillian the magical mermaid who ride monster trucks saves you, Doctor Sage is gonna find you," she explained. Everyone within earshot stared at her questioningly.

"That doesn't explain why I'm a cat," replied my cat eared fraccion.

"His clumsy girlfriend who dumped twenty pounds of folders into a vat of melted crayons** is gonna accidentally make up you drink a potion and it's gonna turn you into a cat."

"What's up with those anime characters that turn into cats?" Grimmjow asked beside me.

"I don't know, why don't you go ask the mangaka?" replied Nnoitra.

"SZAYEL!" Lilynette screamed through her bullhorn. The Octava glared back from his spot next to Nnoitra.

"WHAT?" He screamed back irritably.

"GET YER BUTT OVER HERE!"

"Ten bucks she's gonna make him look like a pedophile again." Nnoitra elbowed Grimmjow with an amused grin.

"Yer on, Spoon-Head!" We all watched as Szayel waded over to the two girls. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but from the angry gestures, pointing, blushing, grabbing, slapping, bleeding, and eventual screaming, I assumed that Lilynette had made the pink haired scientist look like a rapist. Again.

"HA! I won, Grim! Pay up!" The two exchanged a high five.

"What was that about?" asked Tia from her spot beside me as Lilynette swam up to us.

"Pervy Szay was touchin' things."

We stared back blankly.

"Aren't you guys going to defend me?! You SAW her put my hand there!" Szayel screeched at us from the middle of the pool. He glared at the little Primera with an embarrassed blush of sorts. "You're an evil little girl, Gingerback."

"Nonsense!" She waved him off dismissively. "Now get into position! Ready, ACTION!"

The Octava sighed before moving back. "Oh? What is this?"

"Nya," Mai said dully.

"We'll edit that later," Lilynette whispered to Nnoitra, who suddenly had a clipboard (that was waterproof) with him. The Quinta flashed a thumbs up before jotting down whatever he was supposed to jot down.

"A cat? A neko? A gato? A chat?" asked Szayel with a push of his glasses.

"Nya." Mai tilted her head to the side, her reiatsu indicating that she would like to strangle something.

"Why did he repeat 'cat' in four different languages?" Grimmjow asked Lilynette.

"'Cause that's gonna be one of Sage's quirks." Lilynette twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. "A smart dude who's a bit weird, yet cool and handsome."

Grimmjow choked and spit out the lemonade he started drinking. "T-then why would you have Szayel play him?" The Sexta coughed and wiped his chin.

The blonde sighed. "Yeah, but I couldn't get Brad Pitt-san to join us, so I had to make some changes." She sighed and let go of her hair, leaving the strand by her ear curly. "So now Sage is a clumsy doctor who's a lot weird, ugly, and only a little bit cool if ya freeze him into a block of ice."

We all muttered and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's Szayel..."

"I shall adopt this helpless kitten!" The Octava lifted my fraccion up. "This poor, hapless kitten!"

"Gyaah!" Mai swiped the scientist, nearly knocking his glasses off. "Okay, CUT!"

"Only I can yell 'cut!'" Lilynette yelled. "CUT!"

Mai squirmed until Szayel dropped her into the water. "I don't want to be a stupid cat-!"

Grimmjow scowled here and said something about how cats were majestic unr his breath.

"...that is saved by Doctor Sag over here!"

"It's Sage!" corrected Szayel with a huff.

"Whatever!"

We all floated in silence for a minute. "Well, now what do we do?" asked Lilynette with a pout.

No one answered her. Well, no one smart. We all knew the little Primera would throw a fit if we told her we didn't like her movie and wanted to go back to the ship.

"We don't like your movie, and we want to go back to the ship," said Szayel with a push of his glasses.

~Stupid, stupid, Szayel...~

"And you guys never give me anything I want and you're all mean to me and STARRK, wake up dammit!" Lilynette punched her counterpart angrily before falling back on the chair. We were still by the pool, waiting for anyone who was still changing or ordering a drink.

"Shut up already," groaned Grimmjow as he flopped down between Nnoitra and the whining fraccion.

"NO!" Lilynette continued her whining. "All of you call me a child, but it's obvious I'm so much friggin' better than all of you and my movie proved that, but no! No one recognized my genius-ness and you're all meanies and you all hate me and children, but ya know what? I'm gonna start a rebellion against you all! You'll all rue the day that you messed with Lilynette Gingerback! I'm gonna make you all sorry and wish you'd never met me!"

"I'm kinda sorry I met her now," muttered Nnoitra. I could only agree.

"See what you did?" Tia asked the Eighth.

"Shut up," was all he said in response.

"Okay, I'm ready for my big scene!" declared Yammy, who was dressed in colorful trunks that looked rather tropical. "Whammy is here to beat you all!"

We all braced ourselves for what was sure to come.

"AND NOW WE'LL NEVER GET TO THE SCENE WITH WHAMMY!" Lilynette wailed and continued whining about how we all hated her and life. Nnoitra muttered something about how much he hated her now. "You all hate me and humanity and children! You all can just die in a hole and go to Soul Society for all I care!"

When she finally quieted down, we hulled our things to the bus. If anyone said anything to her to make her whine anymore, I'm sure most of us would rip ourselves out of our gigai and bala her to death. No one wants to be trapped on a bus with Lilynette when she is in a bad mood.

"Oh, good, you finally shut up," sighed Szayel with a chuckle. "Now you can contemplate the stupidity of your movie."

Oh, crap.

"I hate you! None of you appreciate me and you all think yer so high and mighty just 'cause yer taller than me! I hate all of you and you're lucky Starrk got all the power, or I woulda killed you all a long ago!" She took a breath and continued, "And don't even get my started about how I bring joy into all of your miserable lives! Oh wait, you got me started! Thank Stupid-No-One-Likes-Your-Face-Szayel-san!'

Everyone glared at the Octava as he shrunk down in his seat.

"I am a wonderful bundle of JOY!" Lilynette practically screamed at us.

"This is gonna be a hella shitty bus ride," scowl Nnoitra.

We all groaned.

END CHAPTER

*Stuff in a cave- We were reading the Odyssey in English class, and we got to the scene where Circe and Odysseus...do things. So then this happens.

"I see you giggling there, what're they doing?" My English teacher asked a nice dude in my class.

"Umm..." Cue embarrassment here.

"C'mon, we're all friends here!"

"They're...doing stuff in a cave..."

"Haha, yeah, that's what I us to say before I got married. Hey, baby, wanna go do some stuff in a cave?"

Cue laughter here.

**Dumping 20 Pounds of Folders Into a Vat of Melted Crayons- My brother thought that sounded fun to do.

SO! Time for the AN, where I tell you about my life. Cue groans here.

Too bad.

Hmm...on the thirteenth of December, I danced Bad Apple at my brother's Culture Fair. It was very fun. My partner was a girl in his class, and since I didn't go to that school anymore, when we were done and got off stage, all of her friends bombarded us saying, "OMFG YOU WERE SO AWESOME LIEK TOTALLY WHY DID U TELL US U COULDN'T DANCE THAT WAS FREAKING AH-MAZING, BRAH!"

With an occasional "you did good, too!" thrown in my direction. I'm not trying to sound bitter, I thought that was hilarious.

What else...oh yeah. High school...yeesh... I feel so friendless. Course I got friends, but none of them got anything in common with me. There are otaku people of course, but they're all way too loud and over the top and while I'm...the quiet one.

Le sad. I'm so antisocial. I'm not good at making friends lol.

Well, I'm done with telling you about my life now. Don't wanna make this too awkward.

RATHER LONG CHAPTER IS RATHER LONG.

Review pleaseeeeee...

~Amaterasu Ai


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